Historical Fun

The Mystery of the disappearance of Agatha Christie   Agatha Christie was an English novelist, specialising in crime and mysteries, and also a Dame. Not the panto kind, the real kind.   The Guinness Book of Records lists Agatha Christie as the best selling novelist of all time, selling over 2 billion copies, mostly to my grandmother, who really loved them. Every time she went to a car-boot sale, my gran would pick up a Hercule Poirot novel or Jane Marple novel, even if she had bought one the previous week. Yes, my gran was bat-shit crazy.   Much like Agatha Christie.   But, unlike my grandmother, Christie was nutso-whacko because she had been kidnapped by aliens who had stripped her naked before taking her. Or she was taken by a giant wasp and Doctor Who.   I kid you not.   In 1926, Agatha Christie's husband had asked for a divorce. It probably has nothing to do with it, but I thought I'd mention it nonetheless. ...

Historical facts for October 30   On This Day In History in 1485, King Henry VII of England was crowned King of England.   Henry-The-Father-Of-The-famous-One, seventh of his name was the last king to win the crown on the field of battle. That field of battle was The Battle of Bosworth Field, both a battle, and an actual field. He was fighting against the child and nephew killer, Richard III.   When Henry VII died in 1509, his son, Henry VIII became King of England. Wow, that's like fifteen Henrys.   Upon ascending to the kinglyshop of the land of Eng, Henry climbed on top of the tallest pauper and sang, "I'm Henry the 8th I am. Henry the 8th, I am I am. I've been married to the girl next door, she's been married seven times before. But I'll only be married once, as I'm a loyal and trustworthy husband."   On This Day In History in 1905, Tsar Nicholas II of Russia issued the October Manifesto , which granted the people of Russia ba...

ALSO IN THE NEWS: CHURCH ANGRY AT GERMAN MEN TAKING THE PISS Ulm Minster, in Germany, which has the world's largest church tower, is having a problem with men spending a penny on the church.   The urine is destroying the stone base and the fear is that the church may collapse in the future if men continue to syphon the python on the structure.   As a punishment for blokes taking a leak the Pee-Police have doubled the fine for those caught to 100 euros.   However it seems to have made little difference.   Michael Hilbert, head of the department that maintains the building, and a semi-professional peepeeping Tom, said, "I've been keeping an eye on it for half a year now and, once again, it's coated with urine and vomit."   In Other News War between Lindsay Lohan and Kettering Borough Council escalates Gorilla Escapes London Zoo and Downs Five Litres of Undiluted Blackcurrant Squash Chinese city inundated with clean butts Kellog...

Also in the news: Some of the Stranger News stories Brides banned from dancing at their own weddings.   They are also banned from cutting the wedding cake with their new husband.   The Mayor of Grozny, in the Russian republic of Chechnya, banned cake cutting and any indecent dance moves at Chechen weddings.   The bans on cake cutting and indecent dance moves, as well as showing up drunk and being dressed in a way "that doesn't conform with the Chechen mentality" are an attempt by the Mayor to "Safeguard the spiritual and moral development" of young Chechens from what it believes are increasingly Western influences.   Whilst dancing, partners must be held at arms length. And under no circumstances should the bride be allowed to dance.   All Weddings in Chechnya will be observed by officials who will immediately put a stop to any inappropriate behaviour they witness.   Acting Minister of Culture, Khozh Baudi Daayev, said, "Our s...

HISTORICAL FUN FACTS for OCTOBER 29th On This Day in 437, Valentinian III married Licinia Eudozia.   Valentinian III became Roman Emperor at the age of six years. Thanks to various marriages, births, assassinations, appointments, political dealings and one case of bonking between an aunt and a goat, Valentinian III was the son, grandson, great-grandson, cousin, and nephew (twice over), and pet, of Roman Emperors.   Through the marriage to Licinia Eudoxia, the two branches of the House of Theodosius were united.   Licinia was the daughter of Valentinian's cousin, Theodosius II, the Eastern Roman Emperor in Constantinople. Nothing like keeping it in the family. Bunch of sickos.   On the 16th of March, 455, Emperor Valentinian was assassinated in Rome.   Valentinian was in Rome, out on the Campus Martius, about to do a spot of archery practice. He was with his friend and adviser, Heraclius, no relation to Hercules. ...

War between Lindsay Lohan and Kettering escalates UPDATE: It is now likely that Lindsay Lohan won't turn on the Christmas Lights in Kettering on November 24th.   Unconfirmed rumours have it that Lindsay Lohan turned down Kettering Borough Council's offer.   Instead, Cheryl Fergison, who played Heather Trott in Eastenders, will switch on the lights in Kettering this year.   More on this in tomorrow's blog post. The Story with Lindsay Lohan and Kettering's Christmas Lights Back in June, on the date of the European Union exit vote, Lindsay Lohan tweeted that she had no idea where Kettering was, after her disagreeing with Kettering voting to leave the EU.   It got the Kettering MP, Philip Hollobone, fuming. She soon apologised, deleted the tweet and, after an invite from the Conservative MP, agreed to come to Kettering to switch on the Christmas lights.   Everyone was jumping with joy. It would surely be a huge coup to get an A-...

Historical Fun Facts for October 28th On the 28th of October, 1919, the United States Congress, in their infinite wisdom , passed the Volstead Act, even though the American President, Woodrow Wilson, vetoed it.   This act paved the way for Prohibition to begin the following January.   Of course, for those who don't know, Prohibition was the banning of Alcohol. Not a great day for, well, pretty much everyone. Because, as everyone knows, the three things humans need for survival and sanity are Alcohol, Bacon, and a decent WiFi signal.   On the 28th of October, 1958, John XXIII was elected Pope of the Planet Earth.   Legend has it, that when a Pope is elected, he has to sit on a chair which has a hole in the centre, whilst wearing no under-crackers, so that his testicles dangle through the hole.   The Cardinals then have to look up as he is carried through the hall to check they do, in fact, dangle.   This is due to the unfortunate e...

Lindsay Lohan to switch on Kettering town's Christmas Lights   In yesterday's post, I reported that Lindsay Lohan made a promise to the people of Kettering to switch on their Christmas lights.   You can read the full story here.   She made the promise after she tweeted that she had no idea where Kettering was. It got the Kettering MP, Philip Hollobone, fuming.   After Lindsay Lohan's utterly disgusting and offensive tweet on the night of the European Union referendum, Mr Hollobone invited her to come to Kettering to switch on their Christmas lights.   In his words, "To redeem her political reputation."   Yes, apparently she has a political reputation. Who knew?   Lindsay Lohan responded to the Kettering Member of Parliament: "Direct message me about your offer. Would be happy to light the Christmas tree in Kettering."   Kettering Borough Council jumped on the bandwagon and re...

Also in the news (a glance at some stranger news stories):   Butts, there are too many butts.   One Chineses city has had to stop offering tissues for butts because of too many butts.   In Shengzhou, Zhejuang Province, China, people were encoured to collect discarded cigarette butts from the streets and hand them in for a reward of a pack of tissues.   They were rewarded with a pack of tissues for every 50 cigarette butts they collected and handed in.   It proved popular. Way too popular. There were butts everywhere. However, not a lot of dirty butts. And you only get tissues for dirty butts. They were inundated with butts. Almost five million of them. But the authorities cried foul play as the butts didn't seem to be dirty enough. They believed people were shipping the butts from out of the city as they were just too clean to have been picked up from the streets. One old lady had over 9,000 butts. Probably from her own personal sup...

Lindsay Lohan is a really Mean Girl   She made a promise to the people of Kettering to switch on their Christmas lights, and now she can't be found.   Back during the whole Brexit fiasco, where Britain voted to leave the European Union, Lindsay dissed the town in a tweet. Well, dissed is a strong word, she basically asked where in hell Kettering was located.   Right on the outskirts, it would seem.   Actually, it's in Northamptonshire, in the middle of England. Or, the middle of nowhere, and on the road to hell.   The town's MP, Philip Hollobone responded, "Everyone knows where Kettering is, it's famous as the home of Weetabix."   Weetabix is located in the village of Burton Latimer, just outside Kettering. But that's just splitting hairs.   After Lindsay Lohan's utterly disgusting and offensive tweet on the night of the European Union referendum, Mr Hollobone invited her to come to Kettering to switch o...

History Fun Fact for October 27th On the 27th October, 1858, Theodore Roosevelt was born. He would later become an American Colonel and, of course, the 26th President of the United States of America.   But his most famous achievement was winning the costly war of the Cuddly Toy Revolution.   It's an almost forgotten part of American history.   Started by a small fluffy bear, the war escalated until Theodore Roosevelt took direct control of the American forces and utterly destroyed the Cuddly Toy Revolution, which led to the subjugation of all cuddly toys from then until all of eternity.   The cuddly teddy bears didn't count on the courage of Theodore Roosevelt, and his ability to venture into the woods in disguise. And, although Roosevelt got a surprise when he went down to the woods that day, he composed himself and massacred every last bear whilst they were eating quiche.   Thus, after that frightful and te...

HISTORICAL FUN FACTS for OCTOBER 26th On This Day in History, October 26th, 899, Alfred The Great died.   By many historians, Alfred the Great was considered to be the first King of England. His cause of death  is not known, however, due to accounts of his life and his symptoms, it is thought he may have had Crohn's disease.   [Writer's personal note: I find that interesting as I have Crohn's disease.]   It is also thought Alfred's grandson also suffered from Crohn's.   Alfred the Great was King of Wessex from 871, and later, King of England, if you don't count the parts he wasn't. Which we don't. He was also the only English monarch to be officially called "Great." Obviously we don't count Cnut the Great, as he doesn't count. As he was a right Cnut.   Alfred the Great's father, Aethelwulf, was King of Wessex, as were three of his older brothers, Aethelbald, Ethelbert, and Ethelred. Alfred became king by defaul...

Historical Fun Facts October 25th On This Day In History, October 25th, 1154, The Anarchy was over, at least for King Stephen of England, as he died.   Yes, you heard me correctly, there was a king of England called Stephen. He was often called Stephen of Blois, or You-Utter-Git, by his cousin, Matilda.   Stephen of Blois was the grandson of William the Conqueror and King of England between 1135 until his death in 1154.   His reign was troubled, to say the least. Most of it was referred to as The Anarchy, as he was fighting a civil war with his cousin, The Empress Matilda, who also claimed the throne.   Matilda, who was almost, perhaps, probably not, maybe technically, but unlikely, the Queen of England for a few days, lost her fight to rule England. However, after the death of King Stephen, Matilda's son, Henry II, became King of England. On the 25th October, 1415, King Henry V of England and his army, as he didn't do it on his o...

HISTORICAL FACT for OCTOBER 24th On This Day in 1537, Jane Seymour, third wife of Henry VIII, died.   Jane Seymour became the wife of Henry-Eight-All-The-Pies, and Queen of England, after the rather unfortunate and unpredictable death of her predecessor, Anne Boleyn.   Jane Seymour died after postnatal complications almost two weeks after the birth of her son, who later became King Edward VI of England.   Because of her successfully giving Henry VIII a son, because he didn't like daughters, she was the only one of Henry VIII's wives to get a Queen's funeral.   Plus, as an extra special treat, she was the only one to be buried beside the King in St. George's Chapel at Windsor Castle.   On This Day In History in 1851, William Lassell discovered something remarkable through his telescope.   Yep, he noticed you doing naked Yoga and he eye-spied the moons Umbriel and Ariel orbiting Uranus.   Must wipe m...

The Assassination of Roman Emperor Domitian On This Day In History in 96 (a real year, even if it looks wrong when you write it down), the Roman Emperor Domitian was assassinated. Some would say he had it coming to him, considering 15 years before, Domitian had murdered his own brother, Titus, to take his place as Emperor of Rome. Domitian had killed his brother with a poison which created an uncomfortable feeling in Titus' bottom. Basically it was no longer a Titus. In fact, it was quite pliable. And erupted like a sticky brown volcano. Having blown off his Titus, Emperor Titus died shortly after. Emperor Domitian was killed by a former slave called Maximus (not Russell Crowe) and a steward called Stephanus in a conspiracy led by a guy called Parthenius, who was Domitian's chamberlain. There were a lot more people involved, but let's be honest, like me, you probably skip over the names that are hard to pronounce. It's thought that Domitian's...

HISTORICAL FUN FACTS for OCTOBER 23rd On This Day in 42BC, during the Liberators' Civil War, the forces of Mark Anthony and Octavian (who became the first Roman Emperor, Augustus Caesar) defeated the army of Marcus Brutus in the 2nd Battle of Philippi.   The war was to avenge the assassination of Julius Caesar, in which Brutus was the lead conspirator.   After his defeat at the Battle of Philippi, Marcus Brutus fled into the nearby hills with four of his remaining legions.   Not wanting to be captured by Octavian and Mark Anthony, and knowing it was only a matter of time, Brutus took the easy way out.   He ordered two of his men to hold out a sword and, ready, steady, he sprinted right into it.   According to Plutarch, the last words Brutus spoke were, "By all means must we fly, not with our feet, however, but with our hands."   Obviously, his actual last words were in Latin, "Shittus, thatus hurtus. Rightus throughus myus p...