Historical Fun Facts for October 14th

HISTORY FUN FACTS FOR OCTOBER 14th

 

On This Day in History in 1066, William the Conker Player defeated Harold-Kept-His-Eye-On-The-Pointy-Thing at the Battle of Hastings.

 

A few miles from the town of Hastings a battle raged between William is a bastard but soon to become King and Conqueror, and King Harold II of England.

 

With an army made entirely of blokes called Norman, William defeated Harold's forces and shot Harold in the eye with an arrow. Ironically, Harold had only just switched aftershave to Brute from his normal Arrow-miss (later shortened to Aramis).

 

On This Day in 1582, In Spain, Portugal, Italy and Poland, the day didn't exist.

 

Gregorian Calendar, a German date-picker who liked to sieve in his spare time, was to blame for wiping out existence on this day.

 

On This Day in History in 1586, Mary, Queen of Scots went on trial for plotting and conspiring against Queen Elizabeth I of England.

 

And for making fun of her wig.

 

On This Day in 1912, former President of the United States of America, Theodore Don't-Call-Me-Teddy Roosevelt, was shot and wounded by John Schrank.

 

Roosevelt was out campaigning in Milwaukee when Schrank, a deranged saloon keeper, approached the no-longer President Teddy Bear and shot him.

 

Roosevelt, un-phased by the incident, kept to his scheduled public speech with the bullet still in his chest.

 

They don't make them like that anymore.

 

On This Day in 1926, Winnie-the-Pooh, not a book about my gran taking a dump, was first published.

 

On This Day in 1944, Field Marshal Erwin Rommel was forced to commit suicide after he was linked to a plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler.

On This Day in History in 1957, Queen Elizabeth II opened an annual session of the Canadian Parliament, and became the first Canadian Monarch to do so.

 

Yep, she is the Queen of more than just the United Kingdom.

This Day In History September 27th

HISTORY FUN FACT for SEPTEMBER 27th

On This Day In History in 1066 William the Conqueror set sail from the River Somme on his journey to England for the Norman Conquest.

 

Did You Know: William the Conqueror is also known as King William I (Borg designation: first of four).

 

But, did you also know: Before he was called William the Conqueror, he was called William the Bastard.

 

Yes, William was a bastard.

 

Not only in the "Your Mummy not married to your Daddy" kind of way, as his father was the Duke of Normandy and his mother was the unmarried hussy daughter of a bloke who played with dead bodies, but also in the "You’re a complete and utter..." type of way.

 

Mainly because he invaded England. Sheesh, what a complete and utter....

 

William-The-Conker-Player invaded England in 1066 with his Norman army, which has since become known as the Norman Invasion.

 

Yep, he invaded England with an army made up entirely of people called, "Norman."

 

Most Brits think he did this just because he was a complete and utter ... bad man.

 

However, he actually had a claim to the English throne.

 

Edward the Confessor, who was William's cousin, had named William as his successor, but Harold-Got-Something-In-My-Eye got to the throne first and claimed Baggsie-No-Returns.

 

William-The-Complete-And-Utter-Expert-Conker-Player was furious, so invaded England.

 

 

This Day In History in 1601  Louis XIII of France was born.

 

King Louis XIII was part of the House of Bourbon, where all those lovely chocolate crème biscuits come from. He became King of France at the age of eight after his father, King Henry IV of France was assassinated.

 

Louis XIII couldn't rule the kingdom as a kid, because think of the havoc. And all the chocolate biscuits. However, as much chaos as a kid could cause as a King, his mother, Marie De' Medici, caused more.

 

So much so, that the young King wrestled power from his mother, who was acting as Regent for her son, in 1617, and exiled her. For good measure and to teach her a lesson, he executed all of her followers.

 

There were many rumours about Louis XIII during his reign regarding his sexuality. However, there is no evidence he was playing hide the sausage with his favourite courtier, Carles d'Albert, or in fact Henri Coiffier de Ruze, the Marquis of Cinq-Mars. And no evidence he was tickling the fancy with Francois de Baradas either. Or any of the others.

 

As I also said, Louis XIII became King of France after his father, Henry IV of France, was assassinated.

 

King Henry had been raised a protestant. When he became King of France in 1589, he was pretty much forced to convert to Catholicism, due to France being a catholic country, and them placing nipple clamps on him until he agreed.

 

Everyone was happy about the King's sudden and unexpected change of religion, except for the protestants. They were not. At all.

 

It also appeared that Spain wasn't happy. Mainly with Henry, who they didn't like as he didn't share any of his chocolate biscuits with them. Spain kept pestering Henry, who finally had enough and declared war. My biscuits. My lovely crème biscuits. You not get none of these fabulous Bourbon Crème Biscuits.

 

King Henry IV had many people try to kill him over the years. And not just the entirety of Spain. Pierre Barriere tried to assassinate him in August 1593. And then in December 1594 Jean Chatel tried. Both were unsuccessful.

 

It wasn't until the 14th of May 1610, when another assassin by the name of Francois Ravailla thought he'd have a go, that the King of France died. He was stabbed in the Rue de La Ferronnerie. Which, I believe, and I'm not great on anatomy, is the upper portion of the left butt cheek.

FUN FACTS ABOUT HENRY I of England

Fun Facts About King Henry I Of England

1. Henry-Yes-There-Actually-Was-A-First was the fourth and youngest son of William the Conqueror.

Or, as William the Conqueror used to be known, William the Bastard (see this post for details).

However, it would seem William the Conqueror wasn't the only bastard in the family. Henry wasn't exactly a shining light of niceness. In fact, he was a right git.

2. Henry was born around the 1068/1069 mark. 

No one is quite sure of the exact date. He was born as Henry Beauclerc. He had three older brothers, Robert Curthose, William Rufus, and the other one who died, so he doesn't count.

3. When Henry's father, William the Bastard Conqueror, died, Henry inherited diddly-squat.

However, his remaining two older brothers did.

Sheesh, sucks to be the youngest.

Robert inherited Normandy, and England went to William, who became William-The-Second-My-Back-Is-Turned-You'll-Shoot-Me-Won't-You?

4. Henry had to purchase land from his big brother.

Henry, who was completely landless, and totally depressed at not being Daddy's favourite, because, you know, isn't the youngest meant to be the favourite? went and bought the County of Cotentin in western Normandy from his brother, Robert.

Yippee, not landless no more.

However, William-The-Second-Should've-Been-Nice-To-His-Younger-Brother and Robert-No-Number, invaded Henry's little corner of Normandy in 1091 and deposed him.

Sheesh, and I thought my older sister was a git for taking my pacifier (dummy if you're in the UK).

 

5. Henry gets his own back on his big brother, William-The-Second-Arrow-Wasn't-An-Accident-Was-It?

The two brothers arranged for a little hunting trip on August 2nd 1100.

See, doesn't matter what went before, family is family, and brothers can make up and be friends again.

Well, as it turns out, hunting trips can be dangerous. And lethal. Henry "accidentally" shot his brother, William, in the head with an arrow.

Oops.

William died. Henry was no doubt distraught with grief.

Nope, not in the slightest.

Henry rode to Winchester Castle, occupied it, and seized the Royal treasury.

6. Three days later, on the 5th August 1100, Henry was crowned King of England.

Henry was crowned King at Westminster Abbey by Maurice, the Bishop of London. The ceremony would have been conducted by Anselm, the Archbishop of Canterbury, but he'd been exiled.

The next highest church figure, Thomas, Archbishop of York, was in Ripon. It's up north, and a heck-of-a commute.

Henry didn't have time to wait for the Archbishop of York to book his train tickets online, which was the way to purchase train tickets in 1100, and so got the Bishop of London to do the deed.

7. Henry married Matilda, daughter of Malcolm-The-Third-Not-Middle of Scotland.

It was an attempt to secure his northern boarders from invasion.

Henry's marriage didn't stop him from dillydallying with a truck load of mistresses, though.

Well, probably a dozen truck loads and a large container ship. This accounts for the (at least) two dozen illegitimate children Henry fathered. At least 9 sons and 13 daughters.

8. Henry did have two legitimate children with Matilda.

They had a son called William, who died whilst on a drunken cruise across the English Channel, and a daughter, Matilda, who would go on to cause a complete breakdown in England and a succession crisis and civil war known as The Anarchy.

But, well, girls will be girls.

 

9. Henry's kingdom of England was invaded by his other brother.

In 1101, a year after being crowned King Henry-First-But-Not-The-Last, his last remaining older brother, Robert, currently Duke of Normandy, with aspirations to be King of England, invaded.

It didn't go that well for Robert, so he decided to negotiate a settlement which confirmed Henry as king.

Henry rejoiced and accepted the settlement and forgave his big brother. All was well and friendly and then ... wham!

10. Henry, out for more revenge, invaded the Duchy of Normandy in 1105.

The following year, Henry defeated Robert at the Battle of Tinchebray.

Henry took Robert prisoner and held him for the rest of his life, thirty odd years, in a dungeon at Devizes Castle, and then Cardiff.

Probably thought no one would accept two hunting accidents in the same family.

11. Henry finally popped-his-clogs in 1135 after suffering from a serious case of Ate-Too-Many-Eels.

Yep, he was killed by a Lamprey, a type of eel, through food poisoning.

Dates for your diary

1068 (Unknown exact date) Henry I of England was born as Henry Beauclerc.

24th May, 1886: Henry was knighted by his father, William the Conqueror.

2nd August, 1100: King William II of England shot and killed by an arrow (perhaps arranged by Henry). Henry becomes unofficial King.

5th August, 1100: Henry is crowned king of England at Westminster Abbey becoming King Henry I of England.

11th November, 1100: Henry married Matilda, daughter of King Malcom III of Scotland.

20th July, 1101: Robert, Henry's big brother and Duke of Normandy, landed at Portsmouth for an invasion of England to claim the throne from Henry.

17th August, 1101:: Treaty of Alton is signed between the warring brothers, which recognised Henry as King of England in exchange for a yearly stipend.

7th February 1102: Birth of Henry's daughter Matilda, later to be known as the Empress Matilda.

5th August, 1103: Birth of Henry's son, William Adelin, later to be known as "if you hadn't died young, and without kids, then there wouldn't have been a succession crisis in England called THE ANARCHY." (Or Willy for short).

12th July, 1106:: Henry invaded Normandy (for the second time).

28th September, 1106: The Battle of Tinchebray. Henry defeats his big brother, Duke Robert, and has him captured and imprisoned.

1st December 1135: King Henry I of England died after a week of illness.

5 Fun Facts About William the Conqueror

1. William the Conqueror is also known as King William I (Borg designation: first of four).

 

But, here’s something you may not have known, before that, he was called William the Bastard. Yes, William was a bastard. Not only in the "Your Mummy not married to your Daddy" kind of way, as his father was the Duke of Normandy and his mother was the unmarried hussy daughter of a bloke who played with dead bodies, but also in the "You’re a complete and utter..." type of way.

 

Mainly because he invaded England. Sheesh, what a complete and utter....

 

 

2. William-The-Conker-Player invaded England in 1066 with his Norman army, which has since become known as the Norman Invasion.

Yep, he invaded England with an army made up entirely of people called, "Norman." Now, most Brits think he did this just because he was a complete and utter ... bad man.

However, he actually had a claim to the English throne. Edward the Confessor, who was William's cousin, had named William as his successor, but Harold-Got-Something-In-My-Eye got to the throne first and claimed Baggsie-No-Returns. William-The-Complete-And-Utter-Expert-Conker-Player was furious, so invaded England.

3. The invasion went well for Will-I-Am-A-Bad-Singer and culminated in the Battle of Hastings.

It was initially meant to be a quiet Sunday afternoon so William could meet Harold for an English cuppa tea, crumpet, and a jolly nice chat. It turned into the battle from hell. Swords clashed and clanked, horses did the foxtrot, lances poked squirrels.

Then King Harold suffered from a serious case of arrow-through-the-eye and it was over. And, unfortunately for Harold-Oh-Boy-This-Really-Hurts-Like-A... who was pretty good at baggsie-no-returns and calling shotgun, a case of arrow-through-the-eye is always fatal.

Will-I-Am-Going-To-Press-This-Button-And-Swivel-My-Chair-Around was declared the winner, much to the annoyance of Tom Jones, who really wanted to do a bit of twerking whilst singing My Oh My Delilah.

4. Will-I-Am-The-King-Now-Please-Call-Me-The-Conqueror had a troubled reign, which is probably why he went back to Normandy for most of it.

He did, however, bring in a few notable reforms. He created the doomsday book. It has a slow beginning and a terrible ending, but I won't spoil it for you. Basically, Dumbledore is killed by Gandalf after suggesting he should've just used the eagles.

The doomsday book also included a section with a survey of all the landholders in England and their holdings, so the monkeys, who will soon take over the planet, knew who to tax.

5. William also instituted a castle building program. He built loads of them. Seriously, if you ever come to England, they are everywhere. Can't throw a stone without hitting one of those things. But I'll let him off on this one, as castles are awesome.