Tuesday, 27 September 2016

This Day In History September 27th


On This Day In History in 1066 William the Conqueror set sail from the River Somme on his journey to England for the Norman Conquest.
Did You Know: William the Conqueror is also known as King William I (Borg designation: first of four).
But, did you also know: Before he was called William the Conqueror, he was called William the Bastard.
Yes, William was a bastard.
Not only in the "Your Mummy not married to your Daddy" kind of way, as his father was the Duke of Normandy and his mother was the unmarried hussy daughter of a bloke who played with dead bodies, but also in the "You’re a complete and utter..." type of way.
Mainly because he invaded England. Sheesh, what a complete and utter....
William-The-Conker-Player invaded England in 1066 with his Norman army, which has since become known as the Norman Invasion.
Yep, he invaded England with an army made up entirely of people called, "Norman."
Most Brits think he did this just because he was a complete and utter ... bad man.
However, he actually had a claim to the English throne.
Edward the Confessor, who was William's cousin, had named William as his successor, but Harold-Got-Something-In-My-Eye got to the throne first and claimed Baggsie-No-Returns.
William-The-Complete-And-Utter-Expert-Conker-Player was furious, so invaded England.
This Day In History in 1601  Louis XIII of France was born.
King Louis XIII was part of the House of Bourbon, where all those lovely chocolate crème biscuits come from. He became King of France at the age of eight after his father, King Henry IV of France was assassinated.
Louis XIII couldn't rule the kingdom as a kid, because think of the havoc. And all the chocolate biscuits. However, as much chaos as a kid could cause as a King, his mother, Marie De' Medici, caused more.
So much so, that the young King wrestled power from his mother, who was acting as Regent for her son, in 1617, and exiled her. For good measure and to teach her a lesson, he executed all of her followers.
There were many rumours about Louis XIII during his reign regarding his sexuality. However, there is no evidence he was playing hide the sausage with his favourite courtier, Carles d'Albert, or in fact Henri Coiffier de Ruze, the Marquis of Cinq-Mars. And no evidence he was tickling the fancy with Francois de Baradas either. Or any of the others.
As I also said, Louis XIII became King of France after his father, Henry IV of France, was assassinated.
King Henry had been raised a protestant. When he became King of France in 1589, he was pretty much forced to convert to Catholicism, due to France being a catholic country, and them placing nipple clamps on him until he agreed.
Everyone was happy about the King's sudden and unexpected change of religion, except for the protestants. They were not. At all.
It also appeared that Spain wasn't happy. Mainly with Henry, who they didn't like as he didn't share any of his chocolate biscuits with them. Spain kept pestering Henry, who finally had enough and declared war. My biscuits. My lovely crème biscuits. You not get none of these fabulous Bourbon Crème Biscuits.
King Henry IV had many people try to kill him over the years. And not just the entirety of Spain. Pierre Barriere tried to assassinate him in August 1593. And then in December 1594 Jean Chatel tried. Both were unsuccessful.
It wasn't until the 14th of May 1610, when another assassin by the name of Francois Ravailla thought he'd have a go, that the King of France died. He was stabbed in the Rue de La Ferronnerie. Which, I believe, and I'm not great on anatomy, is the upper portion of the left butt cheek.

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