Historical Fun

Sunday 22nd March - 2015 Richard III was reburied, again, today at Leicester Cathedral in a ceremony fitting a person of importance, if not a king. Because a ceremony fit for a king would have been a State Funeral. But at least it was better than how he was buried the first time round. Richard III had been found in September 2012 in a local car park drunk out of his skull after consuming three barrels of rum, a normal occurrence in Leicester on a Saturday night. He was then beaten over the head with a toothpick by soldiers of Henry-Soon-To-Be-Seventh-Of-His-Name-Tudor, until he suggested something a little heavier, such as a surface-to-king missile. Or an axe. Mace. Something large, metal, and heavy. Definitely an object. Don't just hit him once. Hit him again. And again. One more time. Okay, another four should do it. Leicester fought tooth and nail with the city of York to keep the King's body, instead of returning ...

1. It is illegal to stand within one hundred yards of the reigning monarch without wearing socks. At every royal event for the past 500 years a special unit of the secret service, code name MI4.4, mingle with the crowds who come to see the monarch. They aren't there to stop an act of terrorism or to prevent someone from trying to assassinate the Queen. Nope, they are there checking to see if everyone has their ankles covered. If you are found to be sockless, then you are taken to the Tower of London, imprisoned for seven years, and then taken out back where the Beefeaters take it in turns to throw squirrels at you. What a ridiculous law. Yep, it really is ridiculous, and as such, isn't true. Back in the day, the Tudor monarchs (Henry VIII, Elizabeth I, and Mary I) all passed laws regulating clothing styles. In 1592, for example, the Articles for the Execution of the Statutes Apparel made it illegal for anyone to turn up at the royal court wearing shirts with "Outrageous...

1. A chameleon is a type of lizard. They range in size from a teeny-tiny-itsy-bitsy 0.6 inches, and can fit on the tip of your finger (ooh, finger buffet), to the size of an elephant. Although those ones haven't been around for millions of years. Not since Jamie Oliver ate them all into extinction. Pukka. Nowadays the biggest chameleons tend to be around 30 inches. And that doesn't include the length of its tongue. That sticky gloop of squishy stuff can grow to twice the size of its body and is shot out of its mouth at a staggering billion trillion miles an hour. It can blow some very impressive raspberries, and can catch insects in mid-air before they know what disgusting sticky-ooze filled suction cup has captured them. 2. Almost half of all known species of chameleon (and there are about 160 different species) live on the island of Madagascar. A few live on cruise ships taking dance lessons and making the most of the ...

1. Elizabeth-The-First-Of-Her-Name ruled all England for a Golden Age of 44 years. She became Queen on the 17th November 1558 after her big, and very ugly, sister died (big as in older, not as in bigger, although she was plump). Elizabeth reigned until she eventually kicked the bucket, which had a family of hedgehogs living inside, who also died, on the 24th March 1603. The Tudor Dynasty was at an end.  Her reign was the third longest reign of a British Queen (Victoria and Elizabeth-Part-Two-Never-Gonna-Give-This-Up, being top), and the Eighth longest ruling British Monarch. 2. During Elizabeth's Elizabethan Era, she oversaw the defeat of the Spanish Armada, the introduction of tobacco and potatoes, and the still-popular tradition of giving life-sized gingerbread men to people she liked. She was a big fan of the sugar, was our virgin Queen. Oh, and she was a virgin. Sheesh, almost forgot to mention that little...

Anyone who wants to be a writer needs to watch this short film. It's brilliant and very funny. Be warned, it's rude. Very rude. Cursing, swearing, and rude things. You probably shouldn't watch it at work.

1. Richard III became King of England in 1483, because he really, really wanted it. And nothing is going to stand in his way. Except, maybe the kid. And the other kid. But those can be dealt with. Richard's brother was King Edward IV, and when he died, Richard was named Lord Protector for Edward's twelve-year-old son, Edward V. A position Richard took seriously. Very seriously. Very, very seriously, Mwahahahaha.  As the young Edward V travelled to London to take his place as the new King of England, Richard, ever the loving uncle, and totally serious about that Lord Protector title, met him halfway and escorted him into the capital city and then right into the Tower of London. One down, one to go.  A few days later, Edward's nine-year old brother was kidnapped and imprisoned in the Tower as well. Gotcha both. Now no one can stand in my way, Mwahahaha. 2.  Richard III killed the Princes in the Tower. Yep, he killed his 12-y...

14th March 1757 : Admiral John Byng was executed by firing squad on board HMS Monarch in front of his crew, for failure to do his utmost. "It is good to kill an admiral from time to time, in order to encourage the others." Voltaire. 15th March 44BC : Beware the Ides of March. Julius Caesar, Dictator of Rome (he said it, someone else typed it), was stabbed to death by Marcus Brutus. He had been warned to Beware the Ides of March, but was a little tipsy at the time and heard, "Beware the Eyes of March," which happened to be his next door neighbour's pet hedgehog, so he popped its cute little beady eyes from its head and fed them to a butterfly. Click to read 5 Fun Facts About Julius Caesar . 17th March in an undetermined year that no one can agree on, St Patrick, the Patron Saint of Green Beer, died in a horrific skiing accident whilst skateboarding on top of roller-skates down a volcano. Click to read 5 Fun Facts About St Patrick . 18th March 948 : King Ed...

1. It's illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament. Yep, if you were thinking of kicking the bucket in the Houses of Parliament, you should be aware that it's illegal. And, one would assume, that it's punishable by death. Or at least a stern telling off. The law was brought in because anyone who dies in the Houses of Parliament is entitled to a State Funeral (usually reserved for the reigning Monarch) and we can't have any old Tom, Dick, or Harry getting one of them. Nope. That's a total myth. There is no evidence to support this common myth. In fact, four people are known to have died within the grounds of the Palace of Westminster. Guy Fawkes and Sir Walter Raleigh were both executed there. Spencer Percival, the only British Prime Minister to be assassinated, was shot in the lobby of the House of Commons, and Sir Alfred Billson died whilst casting a vote. None were prosecuted for dying in a Royal Palace, and none were given a State Funeral. It is, however, il...

*Disclaimer: Whilst all facts are true, the non-facts are not and, as you may notice, are greatly over-exaggerated. Take with a pinch of salt. 1. In Greek mythology Zeus is the father of gods and men. This tag is probably down to him bumping uglies with everything in site like a horny rabbit who just discovered Viagra. As such he had a lot of children. Athena, Persephone, Heracles (Hercules), and Helen of Troy, to name but a few. He is also god of the sky and thunder and king of the hill. That hill being Mount Olympus. 2. Zeus is the youngest son of Cronus and Rhea, who liked singing as they were driving home for Christmas. He had a lucky escape as a baby and was saved from being swallowed by his father when his mother hid him. Rhea, instead of handing over a sweet little baby to Cronus, she gave him a rock wrapped in a blanket, and he swallowed that instead. Cronus had all ready swallowed Zeus' siblings, which included Hades and Poseidon, who you probabl...

1. Every year on March 17th the world goes crazy for all things Irish. It's the date when we celebrate the anniversary of the death (in AD 461, or AD493, or AD492, or AD503, or 457, or, yeah, pick a date, it'll be as close as anyone else can guess at) of the most Irish bloke of all time, yes, Terry Wogan. Oh, wait, I meant St Patrick, the Patron Saint of Ireland. And green beer. However, St Patrick wasn't Irish. He was actually British. But he became Irish after studying Riverdance under an apprenticeship with Michael Flatterlyfeet and learning to say, "To be sure, To be sure." 2. St Patrick has something in common with Julius Caesar. Like Caesar, St Patrick was kidnapped by pirates. And I don't mean the ones who illegally record movies at the cinema, or the ones who sail around the Caribbean with Johnny Depp pretending to act. We're talking real life Irish pirates. They kidnapped the young St Patrick, who was just called Patrick back then, and took him ...

How can you tell if your bird has watched Star Wars too many times?

Historical Fun Presents: Fun Facts About Julius Caesar 1. Julius Caesar was the most famous Roman General in history, and a Dictator of Rome. He is not, as some believe, the first Roman Emperor. That accolade went to his nephew Octavius, who changed his name to Julius Caesar after his uncle's death, and then to Augustus Caesar when he became Emperor. Julius Caesar, the Julius Caesar we actually know, not the other one, or two, if you read below, was a Roman General, Senator, and Consul of Rome. He was also awarded the title of Dictator for life. Never was he an Emperor, even though he really, really wanted to be one. 2. Julius Caesar was born Gaius Julius Caesar. He dropped the Gaius after his father, also called Julius Caesar, who was originally called Gaius Julius Caesar, died. Wowser, that's not confusing at all. Basically : Gaius Julius Caesar dropped the Gaius to honour his father, Julius Caesar, who...

I like this clip of Liam Neeson reading a bedtime story for a few reasons. For starters, it's Liam Neeson, and I think he's great, and second, it's my kind of humour and exactly the type of thing I could've written. If only, though. But one can dream. So, leave me to dream of writing for successful television shows and Liam Neeson, and enjoy the story.

1. The nose isn't just to look pretty on your face and to keep your tongue from being able to lick your eyeballs, it does a lot more. For starters, it helps you to breathe. And breathing is good. And breathing through your nose at night is even better as it keeps you from snoring. Sleepers who snore generally have a problem with tiny pixies who crawl into their noses when they're asleep for a song and dance, and a game of Lick-Your-Boogers. It gets crowded in there with all those pixies, and your nostrils get restricted, forcing you to breathe through your mouth instead. And, at night, it's the sound of air smacking into the back of your mouth, along with the high-pitched singing of the pixie-booger-party, that causes you to snore.  2. For better or worse, your nose allows you to smell. From the lovely aroma of bacon sandwiches, to the foul, disgusting stench of oranges. And although we can pick up a wide range of smel...

Fun Facts About Top Gear   1.  Top Gear is watched in over 100 countries and has a global audience of 350 million. It has also made it into the Guinness Book of Records as the most watched factual television program ... in the world.   Yes, it even beat out Top Deer, a reality show where Rudolph gets parachuted into a lion enclosure to find out if Santa will rescue him before he gets torn to shreds and eaten.   Not going to spoil the ending of the show for you, but it seems either Santa doesn't actually exist, or he just doesn't like Rudolph very much.   2. Top Gear is filmed in an old aircraft hanger at Dunsfold Aerodrome in Surrey, England.   One of the primary reasons the producers chose this location was its close proximity to several dozen restaurants and take-aways, which guaranteed a prompt and ultra-quick food delivery service.   The show also uses a temporary racing circuit...