Friday, 20 March 2015

This Week In History (March 14-20th)

14th March 1757: Admiral John Byng was executed by firing squad on board HMS Monarch in front of his crew, for failure to do his utmost. "It is good to kill an admiral from time to time, in order to encourage the others." Voltaire.

15th March 44BC: Beware the Ides of March. Julius Caesar, Dictator of Rome (he said it, someone else typed it), was stabbed to death by Marcus Brutus. He had been warned to Beware the Ides of March, but was a little tipsy at the time and heard, "Beware the Eyes of March," which happened to be his next door neighbour's pet hedgehog, so he popped its cute little beady eyes from its head and fed them to a butterfly. Click to read 5 Fun Facts About Julius Caesar.

17th March in an undetermined year that no one can agree on, St Patrick, the Patron Saint of Green Beer, died in a horrific skiing accident whilst skateboarding on top of roller-skates down a volcano. Click to read 5 Fun Facts About St Patrick.

18th March 948: King Edward the Marty (or Martyr) was murdered by his evil step-mother so her son, Ethelred the Unready, could claim the throne. And when he did, he was totally unprepared.

19th March 1649: The House of Commons passed an act abolishing the House of Lords, declaring "It is useless and dangerous to England." And then added, so are oranges. Kill all the oranges. Destroy them. Beat them to death, build a space rocket and propel them into the sun so they can burn in hell.

20th March 1727: Sir Isaac Newton was brutally murdered by an apple in a crime of revenge for stealing its ideas on gravity. He came up with the now famous 3 Laws of Motion. Unfortunately they don't apply to the Starship Enterprise, as that baby can only go forwards they can't find reverse. Oh, rats bottoms sliding down a razor. Not going to get that StarTrekkin song out of my head now.

20th March 1413 saw the death of King Henry-The-Fourth-Be-With-You, who died in Jerusalem Chamber of Abbots house in Westminster Abbey. There was a prophecy the previous year that foretold him dying in Jerusalem. It was pretty close. We can award points to the wizard for that one.

Feel my pain with the Star Trekkin song:

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