Thursday, 23 April 2015

5 Fun Facts About St George

Image result for st george knights of the garter
1. St George is the Patron Saint of England and today is St George's Day. The national day is celebrated every year on the 23rd April, which is the anniversary of his death in 303. George became England's patron saint in 1348 when Edward III adopted him as the principal Patron of the new order of chivalry, the Knights of the Garter. Before this date, the Patron Saint of England was Edward the Confessor.

He pointed the gun at me and told me to tell him my sins. "Yes, I like One Direction."
Edward spat in my face. "You make me sick."

2. Although St George is the patron saint of England, he isn't English. And never stepped foot on English soil. George was a Roman born in AD270ish in Cappadocia, now Eastern Turkey. When he was 17 years old, he joined the Roman army and became famous amongst the ranks for his bravery. And seriously embellished stories. He would gather the centurions around the camp fire and tell the story of him as a small boy being raised on Tatooine, dreaming of becoming a great night with a sword of light. A great master would teach him the ways of an unseen magic, he'd kiss his sister, rescue some droids, find out his father was an asthmatic Cornishman whose voice was dubbed by an American actor, and then he saved the galaxy from the evil forces of Skeletor. Oh, and he killed a dragon. Yeah, right. Ooh, look, George, your pants appear to be on fire.

Image result for dragon funny3. George-Not-Yet-A-Saint was a Christian and served in the army under Emperor Diocletian, who really wasn't a fan of Christians. Some might say he loathed them. So he tried to eradicate them. Being a Christian, George disagreed with this policy and tried to persuade the Emperor to spare their lives. It didn't work. Diocletian continued and thousands died.

The Emperor tried to get George to deny his faith in Christ with presents of land, money and slaves. George wouldn't budge. Diocletian frowned and said, "I have became serious. Seriously serious." It was time for torture. Bring out the kittens. When they didn't work, there was red-hot pokers, laceration on a wheel of swords, and being made to listen to Cliff Richard's Christmas hits album. George didn't crack. Even when Mistletoe and Wine played on repeat for seven hours. Diocletian soon got fed up and had George's head chopped off on the 23 April 303.

Image result for chased by dragon4. There once was a saint called George
who one day fell in a gorge.
There was a maid, and he went to her aid,
until he saw the dragon.
Then he wet his pants and tried to run.
But the dragon chased him, and he got eaten.
Because it's a friggin dragon. And they're awesome.
St George is stupid. The End.

Image result for st george5. St George may be the Patron Saint of England, but only a fifth of English people could tell you the date of St George's Day. In fact, only a quarter of English people could actually tell you who was the Patron Saint of England. And out of that quarter, only half of a quarter could tell you how many quarters make up a whole, and a whole lot of them think it's perfectly okay to talk to someone on the tube. Those are the psychopaths who follow you home and stab you to death with a hedgehog. So look away. Look away now. 

Probably because of the alcohol, but most English people know that St Patrick is the Patron Saint of Ireland, and it's celebrated on the 17th March. Despite this, we should trust in the youth of today for redemption of our lack of patriotism. As all of the scouts know the date of St George's Day, as St George is the Patron Saint of Scouts.

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