Tuesday, 7 April 2015

5 Fun Facts About The Brontosaurus

1. The Brontosaurus translates into English as the Thunder Lizard.
Over 75 feet long, weighs over 30 tons, has a long, majestic neck, dumpy face, great thick legs, massive flat feet and was one of the most awesome creatures to have ever walked the planet.
Yes, you guessed it, my grandmother.
Oops, nope, the Brontosaurus.
2. The Brontosaurus was first discovered by palaeontologist (not an easy word to spell) O.C. Marsh in the late 1870s.
It was during the Bone Wars, which had nothing to do with the race to invent Viagra.
The Bone Wars was a war between palaeontologists (bone-digger-uppers). Well, I say war, it was a competition to see who could dig up and name the most dinosaurs.
But, they actually did call it the Bone Wars.
3. The Brontosaurus was extinct.
It sounds obvious. It's a dinosaur! Dinosaurs lived millions of years ago and they are all extinct.
But, thirty years after Marsh dug up the bones of the Brontosaurus, scientists determined the skeleton Marsh found was not of a new species.
They said it was from a dinosaur he had all ready discovered: the Apatosaurus.
When Marsh dug up his Brontosaurus skeleton, it wasn't complete. It lacked a skull. This didn't put Marsh off, though.
He placed a Camarasaurus skull onto his incomplete Brontosaurus, and there you have it, a brand new dinosaur is discovered.
His motives are unknown. Either Marsh thought the Camarasaurus skull really did belong to his Brontosaurus, or he fudged it to get another discovery of a new dinosaur onto his resume. We can only guess.
But, upon this discovery, some thirty years later, the Brontosaurus was deemed to have not existed and was erased from history.
As was every child's favourite long-necked dinosaur.
Do you feel that, Scientists? Those are the tears of children crying into your darkened, heartless souls. Gits.
4. Those destroyers of childhood memories were wrong. Yep, wrong.
Go suck on that big-meanie-pants-scientists.
New evidence has just been announced that the dinosaur Marsh discovered was a separate species from the Apatosaurus.
This means he's back, baby.
The Brontosaurus lives. And, at the time, and to this day, the Brontosaurus fossil dug up by Marsh is still one of the most complete dinosaur skeletons ever found.
5. The Brontosaurus urinated, defecated, and reproduced (peed, poo'd, and bonked) out of the same hole.
Seems a tad unhygienic, but that's why mouth wash was invented.
In reality, palaeontologists know very little about how dinosaurs had sex. Probably from behind whilst wearing safety equipment. But, it is hypothesised the Brontosaurus had a cloaca - butt hole - like a lot of birds and reptiles.
After a romantic meal, some lies about him being a millionaire and unmarried, and several bottles of cheap wine, the male Brontosaur would light some candles, stick on a Simply Red album, and then mount the female Brontosaur similar in style to the giraffe or elephant.
The cloacae - butt holes - would align and the male's penis, which is the size of a two-storey house, enough to make her eyes water, would emerge and penetrate the female cloaca.
Several seconds later, the male Brontosaurus puts on a shocked face and mutters, "That's never happened before, I swear."
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