Historical Fun

Today is New Year's Eve. Or if you're in Scotland, Hogmanay. Or, if you're in Wales, Nos Galan.   This is where tradition dictates you get totally and absolutely sloshed out of your mind, head-butt four random strangers in a game of No-I-Love-YOU-The-Most (this is where the Klingons got the ritual, in case you were wondering), urinate in a policeman's hat (but only if you're pregnant), and then forget where you live.   It's a tradition that dates back to the Norse over a thousand years ago, when Thor, the Asgard god of thunder and hair products, descended on Scotland during the dark days between Avengers films, to demonstrate the virtues of over-drinking and public displays of this-is-just-embarrassing-you-can't-get-married-to-a-lamppost.   There are some pretty strange and interesting local traditions around the United Kingdom.   For example, in Stonehaven, Aberdeenshire, in north-east Scotland , they have a rather dangerous way ...

On This Day in History - December 30th   On this day in history, in 1460, Richard-Of-The-Grand-Old-Duke-Of-York (who didn't have 10,000 men, only about 8,000) marched his men up a hill, down a hill, then right back up the hill, and went too far, so came down a bit, and a bit more. After many hours, he finally decided they were at the half-way point. And died.   Soon after, a rainbow appeared and he came back to life, briefly, to ask his trusted friend, the unicorn, to remember him every time she saw a rainbow.   This is why we now remember the colours of the rainbow using the mnemonic Richard-Of-York-Gave-Battle-In-Vain (Red-Orange-Yellow-Groot-Bilbo-Indigo-Viagra).

On This Day In History - 29th December   On This Day, 29th December, 1170, Thomas Becket had a knight problem on a cold winter's night. That is to say, he was stabbed to death by four knights.   Long story short, in 1161 King Henry II made Thomas Becket the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Church's highest ranking bloke in England.   After nine short years, Henry got really miffed with him, because of reasons. Henry is said to have remarked, "Who will rid me of this troublesome priest?" Which the four knights took as an order to travel back to England and kill Thomas Becket. And then kill him a lot more, slicing and dicing away, hacking and whacking, dipping and skipping.   When King Henry II heard about the death of Thomas Becket, he was heard to say, "What the frigging frack did you do that for? It was a sodding rhetorical question. Bunch of twaddling dingbats. Now, go look rhetorical up in the dictionary. Write it a thousand times on a piece of ...

On This Day In History - December 28th   On this day in 1065, Westminster Abbey was concentrated, copulated, discombobulated, err, nope, they don't sound right. Oh, I mean consecrated. Yes, consecrated. It's when two lovers decided they had done every other room in the house, so might as well do it here, too.   That's what consecrated means, right?   Err, it might actually mean to make something sacred and to dedicate something formally to a religious purpose.   Anyways, every coronation of a king or queen in England has been held at Westminster Abbey since that day. King Edward-The-Confessor, called that because he liked to hear people confess before he shot them in the head with a AK-47, had started the process of the Abbey being consecrated, but had fallen ill and couldn't attend the love-making ceremony on the day. He died a week later, looking at porn on the internet instead. He was the first king to be buried at the Abbey.  

Merry Christmas to all my blog readers.  

On This Day In History - 24th of November British weather forecasters warned the UK would suffer a prolonged cold spell, and could bring the earliest serious snowfalls in twenty years. A couple of days later, snow fell. And it fell a lot. A thousand schools closed as a blanket of the white stuff covered Northern England and Scotland, bringing with it chaos and death. If only the weather forecasters had just kept their stupid mouths shut. Burn the witches.

The Gunpowder Plot - A New Theory.   Remember, remember, the fifth of November, Gunpowder, treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.   Yet, although we remember the discovery of Guy Fawkes each year on the 5th of November, and the failed attempt to blow up the Houses of Parliament, the details of the plot are forgotten by most. As are Fawkes' fellow conspirators.   And the most overlooked person of them all was never named in the plot. Never thought to be involved. Never considered to be anything but the father of one of the conspirators -- Sir Thomas Tresham, who died two months before the attempt was even made.   This strange, triangular building, located in the heart of Northamptonshire, in the small village of Rushton, near Kettering, didn't just become the location for a few meetings between conspirators, it was built for the sole purpose of planning and plotting the overthrowing of the Engl...