Saturday, 13 February 2016

On This Day in History February 13th


This Day In History, February 13th, 1542, saw the execution of Catherine Howard, the err, lemme remember this right, she wasn't the first wife, that was Catherine of Aragon. The second wife was Anne-Pain-In-The-Neck-Boleyn. The third was Jane Seymour, the fourth was what's-her-face. Come on, no one remembers her.
So, Catherine Howard must have the Borg designation of Five-Of-Six tertiary adjunct of uni-matrix Henry-Eight.

Fun Fact:
The sixth wife of Henry VIII was Catherine Parr -
she who was actually the widow of Henry VIII.
Catherine Howard had her Queeny title removed the previous year, 23rd November 1541, and imprisoned in Syon Abbey in Middlesex. She was forced kiss a Llama before being made to return her ring, formerly owned by Anne of Cleves.
Oh, yes, Anne of Cleves. That was the fourth wife of Henry-Of-The-Many-Numbers. Although, technically, the marriage was annulled. This meant she didn't exist. Or she was never married to the King. One or the other.
Anyways, it was declared Anne Of Cleves' marriage to Henry-Problems-With-Commitment was never consummated. Nope. As well as commitment, Henry-Had-A-Shrinkage-Problem, had problems with his pee-pee.
A rather chilly draft drifted through the palace that night, which is why Queens shouldn't eat baked beans before nights of fiddling with the Crown Jewels. Henry-That-Doesn't-Normally-Happen-I-Promise suffered some serious reversing before the engine fired. So the consummation didn't happen.
Wait, got side-tracked there for a minute. We're talking about the execution of Catherine Howard.
Yes, Catherine Howard was imprisoned and stripped ... Seriously? That's disgusting. Oh, stripped of her Queeny title. That's not so bad. She was accused and later tried, and then beheaded, for not disclosing the fact that men had dangled their dingles in her Traitors' Gate.
Fun Fact:
The night before her execution, Catherine Howard spent several hours
practicing how to lay her head upon the block.
She even requested the actual block that would be used the
following day be brought to her cell for her to practice on.
On the 10th of February 1542, she was led through Traitors' Gate on her way to her cell in the Tower of London. The following day, Henry-Not-Love-You-No-More signed her death warrant.
She would be executed on the 13th of February 1542 by way of separation of her head from her body using a slightly sharpened toothpick.
When that didn't work, they switched to an axe.

On This Day in 1575, Henry III of France, as in, the French King Henry III, is crowned King of France, in French, whilst in France. On the same day, he married Louise de Lorraine-Vaudemont.
On This Day in 1633, Galileo Galilei, so good they named it twice, arrived in Rome for a bit of sight seeing, a quick lunch, and for his trial before the Inquisition, who were very inquisitive.
On This Day in 1692, at the Massacre of Glencoe, nearly 80 Macdonalds at Glen Coe, Scotland, were killed early in the morning, at about 6am, just after ordering a McMuffin, for not pledging allegiance to the newish King of England, and Scotland, William of Orange.
On This Day, February 13th, 1880, Thomas Edison observed the Edison Effect, whilst sitting on the toilet looking at a mirror. #ThermeonicEmmission
Celebrity Birthdays
On This Day in 1934, George Segal was born. He is famous for starring in Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf, Flirting With Disaster, and A Touch Of Class.

Did you know:
George Segal is a master banjo strummer
and has even released three banjo albums.

On This Day in 1938, Oliver Reed was born. He starred in one of the best movies of all time, Gladiator.
Although he did kick the bucket half way through filming. They didn't see that as a problem, though. Who needs the real Oliver Reed when you can just use CGI and a mannequin instead. 
On This Day in 1974, Robbie Williams was born. He was the worst member of the successful boy band Take That, before he left to forage for berries in the local woods.
He soon found some, and had to wrestle a squirrel for its stash. Before he could eat them, a worm drop kicked his posterior into a deep hole and slapped him around, leaving him for dead. It was during the void between life and death that Robbie Williams had an epiphany. He should start a solo career as a singer.
Read more about Robbie Williams with our
Humorous History Special -
On This Day in 1975, Ben Collins, former English racing driver, was born. Well, he's still English, but no longer a racing driver.
Ben Collins, not the most successful of English racing drivers, was better known as The Stig on Top Gear.
Some say he once tortured a hedgehog to get their secret Chilli sauce. Some say he once killed a mole by eating three hundred eggs and trumpeting in its face.
But, all we know is: He's called the Stig.

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