When Bears Attack - How to defend against a bear attack

How to survive a bear attack.

Most animals don't attack humans. We're not their natural food source. Most attack humans because they're starving or startled. If attacked, sometimes it's good to run as fast as you can, hoping they can't catch you. Other times, it's sensible to play dead. But, at the end of the day, it's better not to be in the situation in the first place.

Brown Bears, or Grizzly Bears.

These are the most widespread species of bear. They can be found in Europe and North America. And they're pretty big, and aggressive. First, make a load of noise. As much as you can. Most bears don't want to be surprised. They hate it. Surprise birthday parties are the worst. But in the forests, they want to know you're there. And, for the most part, they'll give you a wide birth.

If you startle them, they'll attack. And attack big. If this happens, don't run. You may find this hard to do, as running and screaming would be perfectly natural in this situation. Peeing of pants would be, too.

With a Grizzly, stand as tall as you can and raise your arms above your head. Especially if they have a gun. "I give up, don't shoot me." Whilst still looking big, back away slowly, without making eye-contact. This will be seen as a challenge, and they are likely to slam-dunk your butt into the ground if they think they're being challenged.

If the bear follows you, panic! You're going to die. Nah, only kidding. Although I'm not. Stop and stand your ground. At this point, they may make a charge. Again, stand your ground. It's probably a fake just to test you. If it isn't, you're going to die. Nah, only kidding. Although I'm not.

If they continue charging, lying flat on the ground on your belly, legs straight and together, arms tucked in your side, is the way to go. Don't curl into a ball. They'll probably just flip you over and eat your face off. Stay still. It'll assume you're dead, sniff you, nudge you, pull your pants down, and will then probably wander off. Keep playing dead for about twenty minutes, though. Brown bears will linger, or look over their shoulder to make sure they're not being tricked.

If all this fails, fight back. At this stage you've nothing to lose. Throw rocks, punch its nose, kick it in the nuts, throw a few well placed insults. Anything.

Black Bears are smaller than the Brown Bear

Although they still weight a good 300 pounds. They will occasionally attack humans, but it's not common. They are smaller, quicker, and unlike the Brown Bear, they are much better climbers. They'd usually rather flee than attack. However, the Asiatic black bears are extremely aggressive, and are a lot more likely to attack humans.

If attacked by a Black Bear, the same procedures apply as with the Brown Bear above. If you do fancy trying to run, just don't climb a tree to try and escape. The Black Bear is quite adept at climbing trees, and much better at it than you. And they like to chase anything that runs away from them.

With Black Bears it's actually better to fight back, rather than to play dead. Make a huge amount of noise, look as big as you can, and try to grab a large stick to beat it off. If not, aim for it's nose. That's pretty sensitive for a bear.

If a Polar Bear attacks, then you've basically had it

These creatures are the largest bears around. They're aggressive and will attack, whether startled or not. And they will see you as a possible food source. Playing dead or fighting back probably won't make much of a difference. It's not about neutralising you as a threat for them. It's about eating you. Polar bears are always hungry, and finding food for them is getting harder and harder. So you look like an all-you-can-eat buffet. Try to avoid them at all costs. Maybe holiday in the Caribbean instead.

And remember, Polar bears can run faster than a human, reaching speeds of over 25 miles per hour. So, if you're stuck in the Arctic with your friend, and there is a polar bear chasing you, then you can't outrun it and escape. However, the good news is, you don't need to outrun the polar bear. You just need to outrun your friend. Alternatively, take off your clothes. Polar bears are very inquisitive. They'll stop at each item of clothing and give it a thorough examination, giving you time to escape. Perhaps. Although I'm not sure where you'd go. You're in the middle of  nowhere surrounded by ice. You might escape the polar bear, but you're going to freeze to death. Especially if you're naked.


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