Historical Fun

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY - 5th JANUARY   On This Day, the 5th of January, 1066, Edward-The-Confessor died, sparking what could mildly be called a succession crisis. This little itsy-bitty crisis eventually led to the Norman Conquest of England, where William-The-Conker-Player dictated every new baby be called Norman.   Edward the Confessor was born as a baby in 1003ish in Oxfordshire, England. His father was Ethelred the Unready, which was his excuse to his wife on their wedding night. "I wasn't ready. Can we try again in ten minutes?"   Edward the Confessor was called The Confessor because he ran a series of experiments on hedgehogs trying to extract confessions from them using nipple clamps.   Or maybe because he is said to have lived a porpoise and saintly life. Although what dolphins have to do with anything, I don't know. Oh, wait ... pious. He lived a pious life.   Also in the news:   On This Day, 5th of January,...

On This Day In History - December 28th   On this day in 1065, Westminster Abbey was concentrated, copulated, discombobulated, err, nope, they don't sound right. Oh, I mean consecrated. Yes, consecrated. It's when two lovers decided they had done every other room in the house, so might as well do it here, too.   That's what consecrated means, right?   Err, it might actually mean to make something sacred and to dedicate something formally to a religious purpose.   Anyways, every coronation of a king or queen in England has been held at Westminster Abbey since that day. King Edward-The-Confessor, called that because he liked to hear people confess before he shot them in the head with a AK-47, had started the process of the Abbey being consecrated, but had fallen ill and couldn't attend the love-making ceremony on the day. He died a week later, looking at porn on the internet instead. He was the first king to be buried at the Abbey.  

1. William the Conqueror is also known as King William I (Borg designation: first of four).   But, here’s something you may not have known, before that, he was called William the Bastard. Yes, William was a bastard. Not only in the "Your Mummy not married to your Daddy" kind of way, as his father was the Duke of Normandy and his mother was the unmarried hussy daughter of a bloke who played with dead bodies, but also in the "You’re a complete and utter..." type of way.   Mainly because he invaded England. Sheesh, what a complete and utter....     2. William-The-Conker-Player invaded England in 1066 with his Norman army, which has since become known as the Norman Invasion. Yep, he invaded England with an army made up entirely of people called, "Norman." Now, most Brits think he did this just because he was a complete and utter ... bad man. However, he actually had a claim to the English throne. Edward the Confessor, who was Willia...