A Humorous History Fact for April 22nd
On this day in history in 1519, the Spanish adventurer, explorer, Conquistador, and total git, Hernan Cortes, established a settlement in Mexico called Veracruz.
Cortes had invaded Mexico with his Spanish army in the hope of finding some gold. Or a decent cigar. Or semi-decent massage parlour.
In his efforts to find some treasure, Cortes deposed or killed all the kings in and around Mexico, and anyone he met on his way. Even the bloke selling bananas by the pond.
The guy was a git. It's a fact.
To give an example: Cortes was out walking through the jungle one night, perhaps as part of an expedition, perhaps as part of a mating ritual with the local gorilla population, who knows.
He saw King-Now-A-Hostage Cuauhtémoc having a laugh with two of his fellow former-kingies. It seems the famous Spanish Explorer and Conqueror, Herman Cortes, didn't like laughter.
After asking a bloke to translate what the three were discussing - apparently it was something to do with comparing Breaking Bad with Game of Thrones - Cortes got upset at their conclusion.
He immediately ordered all three to be hanged. To Death. All the way. Cortes then invented a story to tell the locals. It involved a boy wizard, a special school in Scotland, and the ginger kid getting the girl.
When the locals wouldn't believe that story - no way the ginger kid gets the girl - Cortes made up another.
He informed them that the three kings were plotting his murder. Mwerder. To Death. All the way. And because of this plot, Cortes had no choice but to execute them all.
And anyone else who plots his Mwerder. So just you lot all watch yourself. Mwerderers.
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