Murray Walker

Murray Walker was born on this day in 1923. Yep, he is 90 years old today. Anyone who follows motorsport, and especially Formula One, will be familiar with the name. He was the voice of F1 for decades and is much loved by fans and professionals alike. For me, he made F1 better, and watching the races hasn't been the same since he retired 14 years ago.

He was also famous for his "Murrayisms", and here are a few of the best:

"Only a few more laps to go and then the action will begin. Unless this is the action, which it is!"

"I can't imagine what kind of problem Senna has. I imagine it must be some sort of grip problem."

"And the first three cars are all Escorts, which isn't surprising as this is an all Escort race."

"He is exactly 10 seconds ahead, or more approximately, 9.86 seconds."

"Look up there! That's the sky!"

"There's nothing wrong with his car except that it's on fire."

"I don't want to tempt fate but Damon Hill is now only half a lap from his first Grand Prix win and… and HE'S SLOWING DOWN, DAMON HILL IS SLOWING DOWN… HE'S... HE'S STOPPED!"

The guy is a hero and the passion he had for the sport he loved was infectious. Earlier in the year he fell down and broke his pelvis. Whilst at the hospital the doctor discovered he had lymphoma. Thankfully he is on the mend. Let's hope he has many more years to enjoy his Formula One.

I'll leave you with this last quote, which made me as emotional as him. It was in 1996 and Damon Hill had just won both the Japanese Grand Prix and the World Championship: "I've got to stop now, because I've got a lump in my throat." The only time he was ever speechless as a commentator on Formula One.

The guy was brilliant.

Happy Birthday, Murray.

She Swallowed A Fly!

We knew this day would come. It was the only logical progression. This old woman started by swallowing the fly. I don't know why she swallowed the fly. I was sure she'd die. But she didn't. She decided the only way forward was to swallow a spider. It wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly, why oh why did she swallow that fly? How did she not die?

Of course from there it gets weird. She swallowed a bird, which sounds absurd, but she did nonetheless. She saw a bat, and said, "Not that." And instead swallowed a cat. Fancy that, yes, she swallowed a cat. She did this to catch the bird, which was absurd, and swallowed the bird to catch the spider. Such a stupid woman to swallow a spider, as it wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. She must've been high when she swallowed the fly. She didn't die.

Oh my god, she swallowed a dog. What a hog, she swallowed a dog. Not a small one either. She swallowed the dog to catch the cat. She swallowed the cat to catch the bird and swallowed the bird to catch the spider. It wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. And the spider was swallowed, according to reports by a witness, to catch the fly. How sick have you got to be to swallow a fly? Why did she not die?

She swallowed a goat! It went straight down her throat. It wasn't enough, though. Which is why she swallowed a cow. Wow! She swallowed a cow!

She swallowed a cow, wow, a cow, to catch the goat, which went down her throat, to catch the dog, not a hog, to catch the cat, fancy that, she swallowed a cat. She swallowed the cat to catch the spider, which wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.

Why? Why did she swallow that fly?

Then, after some considerable consideration she swallowed a horse.

She died, of course.

How now brown cow

Yes, she went and did it. This old woman swallowed a cow. Wow! She swallowed a cow! Now, a cow, I can understand. Cows are tasty. Who wouldn’t want to swallow a cow? Well, a whole one? Yes, I’ve been that hungry before. And slightly roasted they are very nice.

 

She swallowed the cow to catch the goat, straight down her throat went the goat. I wasn’t wearing a coat when I observed the goat slipping down her throat, safe on my boat, afloat. She swallowed the goat to catch the dog, yes, it’s obvious to anyone she was a hog for swallowing that dog. She swallowed the dog to catch the cat, fancy that, she swallowed a cat as it sat on a mat watching a fat rat called Pat sleeping in a hat.

 

She swallowed the cat to catch the bird, which was absurd, but she still did it. That’s one batty old biddy. She swallowed the bird, no matter how absurd, to catch the spider. And if there is one thing we’ve learned about spiders, it’s they wriggle and jiggle and tickle inside you. A good reason not to swallow a spider, if you ask me. But, as we’ve all ready established, this old woman, who didn’t live in a shoe, isn’t like you, she’s crazy through and through. I think she lives in a zoo.

 

She swallowed the spider, which tickled and jiggled and wriggled inside her, to catch the fly. Now, I know what you’re thinking, as I’ve been thinking the same. Why, when she swallowed that fly, did she not die?

I'm not wearing a coat.

She swallowed a goat? Oh my god, this old woman is out of control. Someone stop her. I don’t care what anyone says, swallowing a goat is wrong. I don’t care if it slipped right down her throat, it’s a goat. However, she did it to catch the dog, as she was a hog for swallowing the dog and needed to rectify the situation. Of course, she swallowed the dog to catch the cat, fancy that, yes, she swallowed the cat. The cat was needed to catch the bird, no matter how absurd it sounds, as the cat is the only thing that can catch the bird.

The bird was required to catch the spider. Oh my oh my, that frigging spider caused some discomfort. It wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. But, then again, it had to, as the purpose of its trip was to catch the fly, which was flying around pretty wildly, as it had just been swallowed by a batty old biddy.

Why she didn’t die for swallowing that fly, I’ll never know.  

I knew an old woman who...

What the heck? Are you kidding me? How could she? This has to be the strangest and most mental old woman in the history of the planet. You may ask why? Why, I say? Well, she went and swallowed a dog. Yes, a dog! What a hog, she swallowed a dog.

But, then it's understandable really.

As she swallowed the dog to catch the cat, fancy that, she swallowed a cat. The reason, you may ask, that she swallowed that cat was to catch the bird. Absurd? Yes, a little, but the bird was necked so as to catch the spider. Oh, boy, the spider. It was crazy. The spider wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. However, she had no choice but to swallow the spider, no matter how it tickled, jiggled and wriggled inside her. Because, how else are you going to catch the fly? Yes, I know, she swallowed a freaking fly!

A fly. Yes, a fly. I thought she'd die.

There was an old woman....(part two)

Okay, just found out this old biddy didn't stop at the bird, which was absurd. She swallowed a cat, yep, I know, fancy that, she swallowed a cat. For, it was told to her, that the cat would catch the bird, which really was quite absurd. She swallowed the bird to catch the spider, which, as we all know, as we've all swallowed a spider, wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. But, alas, she had no choice, as it was the only way to catch the fly. I couldn't, and still can't believe she didn't, as I was sure she would, die, for swallowing that fly.