Tuesday, 8 October 2013

How now brown cow


Yes, she went and did it. This old woman swallowed a cow. Wow! She swallowed a cow! Now, a cow, I can understand. Cows are tasty. Who wouldn’t want to swallow a cow? Well, a whole one? Yes, I’ve been that hungry before. And slightly roasted they are very nice.
 
She swallowed the cow to catch the goat, straight down her throat went the goat. I wasn’t wearing a coat when I observed the goat slipping down her throat, safe on my boat, afloat. She swallowed the goat to catch the dog, yes, it’s obvious to anyone she was a hog for swallowing that dog. She swallowed the dog to catch the cat, fancy that, she swallowed a cat as it sat on a mat watching a fat rat called Pat sleeping in a hat.
 
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird, which was absurd, but she still did it. That’s one batty old biddy. She swallowed the bird, no matter how absurd, to catch the spider. And if there is one thing we’ve learned about spiders, it’s they wriggle and jiggle and tickle inside you. A good reason not to swallow a spider, if you ask me. But, as we’ve all ready established, this old woman, who didn’t live in a shoe, isn’t like you, she’s crazy through and through. I think she lives in a zoo.
 
She swallowed the spider, which tickled and jiggled and wriggled inside her, to catch the fly. Now, I know what you’re thinking, as I’ve been thinking the same. Why, when she swallowed that fly, did she not die?

5 comments:

Kyla Houbolt said...

When I learned this as a kid, I always thought the line said "wiggled and jiggled and tickled IN CIDER."

"Inside her." Whoa. Learn something new every day. Plus, you probably don't have cider across the pond, right? :D

Geri Copitch said...

Cows are indeed very tasty, preferably roasted. But goats? I mean, they're all pointy and bony. As for the fly, well apparently she does have a big mouth - how else would one swallow a cow now? Perhaps she should have hung fly paper in her mouth eons ago and just avoided the whole messy business.

Jed Cullan said...

Hi Kyla, I love that you thought it was 'wiggled and jiggled and tickled (which I always want to spell tiggled) in cider. That's brilliant.

You do know that cider comes from the UK, don't you. The real stuff. So, yeah, I grew up on it. Quite literally actually.

Hi Geri, cows are the bestest. Roast cows are more bestest. Goats are a bit meh with their pointy and bony stuff.

Robyn said...

Poor woman was obviously suffering from pica. She was probably preggers. Which explains the weird cravings.

Kyla Houbolt said...

Jed, LOL! Nope, I did not know cider came from the UK. Here all this time I thought it came from apples! *grin*

But actually, when I was a kid the cider with spider made perfect sense because, how else could she swallow it?

I guess once she got the spider down, the rest followed more easily. At least to my child mind.