Tuesday, 7 July 2015

7th July - On This Day In History

Image result for joan of arcOn This Day In History - 7th July
7th July 1456, Joan of Arc has a retrial and the verdict is announced - Joan of Arc is acquitted of heresy.
Everyone rejoice.
Oh, wait, she had been dead for twenty five years after the first trial found her guilty and she was executed by burning on a stake.
Image result for head butting7th July 1575, the Raid of the Redeswire is fought between England and Scotland.
It's the last major battle between England and Scotland. However, there were, and still are, minor battles between the two countries.
Mostly they involve headbutting and name calling nowadays. But, back in the day, there was poking with swords and nudging with spears, and I'll RIP YOUR HEART OUT WITH A HAGGIS, YOU ENGLISH DOGS.
In the Raid of the Redeswire, Scotland were victorious. The English made up for it by inventing football and beating the Scots at every opportunity.
Image result for 7 dwarfs7th July 1865, during the American Civil War, four conspirators in the assassination of the President Abraham Lincoln are hanged for their crimes.
John Wilkes Booth, the famous one of the eight, then four, although with him there were nine, conspirators, was shot back in April. These four, whose names were, err, you know, there was that guy, the other one, the one with the funny moustache, the tall one, Grumpy, Sneezy, Doc.
Sheesh, no one can remember any of the other names of those guys apart from Booth.
Image result for sliced bread
7th July 1928, you can't beat sliced bread. Or children, dogs, cats, lions, hippos, crocodiles. However, if you see a spider, squash that evil Satan worshiper with an atomic bomb.
For the first time ever, sliced bread is sold. Someone actually invented that, you know. Yep, it took an actual inventor to invent the idea for having sliced bread.
He basically said, "What are you barbarians doing just ripping that bread to pieces? You should slice it, dumbasses."
Image result for stargate thor7th July 1947, Aliens crashed their alien spaceship, that was alien, with aliens inside, at Roswell.
Yep, it happened. There are aliens. They're here and walking around amongst us. Well, okay, no they aren't.
Stupid idiots crashed their spaceship into a planet and died. Sheesh, where'd they learn how to drive?
Image result for baby tennis
7th July 1985, Boris Becker becomes the youngest player ever to win a Wimbledon Championship, at the tender age of, err, about 2. The kid was great. And still wore diapers.
He did get a violation. As the rules for Wimbledon state all clothes that are visible to the audience must be predominantly white. Unfortunately, there was a toilet break that the little baby Becker had to take mid-point, and the visible uniform was no longer predominantly white.
Becker is one of my favourite commentators at the Wimbledon Championships. Great presenting, and very funny. Even though he's German.

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