On This Day In History - 3rd of November

On This Day In History - 3rd of November

 

On This Day, 3rd of November, 1534, the English Parliament passed the Act of Supremacy. The Act made Henry-Of-The-Many-Numbers (8 of them) the head of the Church of England. Prior to this, the Pope was head of the Church of England.

 

Basically, he was married to Catherine-Of-Arrogant, who couldn't produce a boy sprog, and, let's face it, was getting a bit old. Henry, on his travels, discovered a pretty little innocent thing. He wanted to bump uglies with her. Bumpity bump them a lot. However, this pretty little innocent thing, let's call her Anne-I-Have-A-Plan-Boleyn, said, "You don't go down, unless I have a Crown."

 

So, Henry, desperate for a bit of Hide-The-Crown-Jewels-In-Ann, tried to get the Pope to annul his marriage to Arrogant Catherine so he could marry Anne-With-A-Cunning-Plan.

 

The Pope wasn't having any of it and denied Henry's request. Not perturbed, Henry separated from the Catholic Church and created himself as head of the Church of England under the Protestant religion. He then annulled his own marriage to Catherine-Of-Arrgh-You-Can't-Be-Serious-You-Bastard and married Anne-Is-Gonna-Have-Her-Head-Chopped-Off. So, all's well that ends well.

 

On This Day, 1783, John Austin became the last person to be publicly hanged at London's infamous Tyburn Gallows.

 

John Austin was a highwayman and murderer. His hanging was not quick. As his body fell, instead of the noose breaking his neck, as was normal under such circumstance, the rope slipped and he didn't die instantly. Instead, it took about ten minutes for him to choke to death.

 

On This Day, 3rd of November, 1957 the first animal to enter Earth's orbit was launched by the Soviet Union on the Sputnik 2 spacecraft.

 

On This Day, 3rd of November, 2013, a solar eclipse swept across the planet foretelling the end of the world. Again. Don't look directly at it, people. You'll all die.

2nd November - On This Day

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY - 2nd NOVEMBER

 

On This Day, 2nd of November, 1470, Edward V was born at Westminster Abbey.

 

Although the Abbey is the usual burial place for British Monarchs, Edward was the first to be born there. His mother, Elizabeth Woodville, who was married to his father, King Edward IV, had taken sanctuary at the Abbey during the War of the Roses after Edward's father, Edward, had been dethroned. And that's not a term for being knocked off the toilet.

 

Edward IV's Lancastrian enemy, Henry VI, had been briefly restored to the throne. The one in the palace, not the one in the toilet. A year later, Edward's father, Edward, returned to England from exile and knocked Henry VI off his toilet and retook the throne. After flushing, of course. Henry VI left one heck of a steaming dump in there.

 

Edward was created Prince of Wales in June 1471 and sent to Ludlow Castle, close to the border of Wales, to be educated. This mainly involved reading noble stories of virtue, honour, cunning, wisdom and deeds of worship. Basically, teaching hedgehogs to perform circus tricks, such as acrobatics, the high-wire, and balancing on their noses whilst juggling.

 

Upon his father's death on the 9th of April 1483, Edward became king at the age of 12.

 

As the young king travelled to London, Richard, Duke of Gloucester, Edward's uncle, met him half way to provide escort. Richard had been appointed Lord Protector, as Edward was too young to rule in his own right.

 

But, Richard had plans. Cunningly evil plans. He escorted Edward straight to the Tower of London, holding him there under pretence of protection, but in reality to secure his position before declaring Edward a bastard, making him out to be an illegitimate son of Edward IV and not a rightful king. What a complete and utter .... 

 

If you hadn't all ready guessed, Edward V is one of the now famous "Princes in the Tower".

 

The other was his younger brother, Richard.

 

And with Edward safe and secure in the Tower of London, Richard, Duke of Gloucester, that's Edward's uncle Richard, not his brother, Richard, went and kidnapped Edward's younger brother Richard, who was the Duke of York, not the Duke of Gloucester.

 

Okay, why has everyone got the same name?

 

Both princes, well, actually one was a prince the other a king, but I'm not getting into semantics, were now in the Tower. And that was the last anyone heard of them. Because Richard killed them. Although, I should point out, that some historians dispute that fact. They obviously didn't take into account that Richard was a complete and utter ....

 

Edward V's reign as a king of England lasted just 86 days. And, at the age of 12, he is the shortest-lived male monarch in British history.

 

In 1674, skeletal remains belonging to two children were found by workmen rebuilding a stairway in the Tower of London. King Charles II ordered them placed in Westminster Abbey in an urn bearing the names of the two princes. I mean one prince and one king, Edward and Richard.

 

It cannot be proven that the bones are those of the two princes, but they are, as Richard III killed them by suffocating them with a pillow, and burying them beneath the staircase. Modern attempts by historians and scientists to examine the bones have been refused. So the mystery continues.

1st November - On This Day In History

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY - 1st of November.

 

On This Day, 1st of November, 1141, the reign of Empress Matilda came to an end. She was kinda Queen of England, although technically uncrowned, so she was called Lady of the English, or "You-Traitorous-Cow" by her cousin, Stephen of Bois, who was King of England. He spent most of his reign fighting a civil war known as The Anarchy with the Empress Matilda.

 

On This Day, 1st of November, 1179, Philip II is crowned King of France.

 

He managed to bring all of France together and made the country prosper again. However, he had a heck of time with his wives. He's basically the Henry VIII of the French.

 

Click here to read about the adventures of Philip II of France and his Borg Queen Wife.

 

On This Day, 1st of November, 1688, William-Of-Horrible-Disgusting-Fruit, set sail, for the second time, from Hellevoetsluis. Say that ten times when you're drunk.

 

William-Soon-To-Be-The-Third-William's goal was simple: capture the Crowns of England, Scotland and Ireland from his father-in-law, James-The-Second-His-Son-In-Law-Lands-In-England-Will-Flee-To-France. Yes, he did, the big chicken. Unless he just didn't like Orange's. Can't blame him for that, I suppose. They are the nasty-disgusting-fruit.

 

William-The-Third-Is-A-Turd (a nickname given to him by James II) won England without a fight. A bloodless coup. A Glorious Revolution. And ex-king James sulked in France for a bit, then tried to reclaim the throne, lost, and went and sulked a bit more.

 

On This Day, 1st of November, 1800, John Adams becomes the first President of them there, over here, these here, United States of America, to live in what would one day be called "The White House".