Lindsay Lohan in hiding over Christmas lights debacle

Lindsay Lohan is a really Mean Girl

 

She made a promise to the people of Kettering to switch on their Christmas lights, and now she can't be found.

 

Back during the whole Brexit fiasco, where Britain voted to leave the European Union, Lindsay dissed the town in a tweet. Well, dissed is a strong word, she basically asked where in hell Kettering was located.

 

Right on the outskirts, it would seem.

 

Actually, it's in Northamptonshire, in the middle of England. Or, the middle of nowhere, and on the road to hell.

 

The town's MP, Philip Hollobone responded, "Everyone knows where Kettering is, it's famous as the home of Weetabix."

 

Weetabix is located in the village of Burton Latimer, just outside Kettering. But that's just splitting hairs.

 

After Lindsay Lohan's utterly disgusting and offensive tweet on the night of the European Union referendum, Mr Hollobone invited her to come to Kettering to switch on their Christmas lights. In his words, "To redeem her political reputation."

 

Lindsay Lohan responded, "Direct message me about your offer. Would be happy to light the Christmas tree in Kettering."

 

Yet, Kettering Borough Council have said they can't reach the Mean Girl.

 

Philip Hollobone told the BBC, "She said she would come and switch on the Christmas lights at Kettering but, despite everyone's best efforts, it's simply not possible to track her down."

 

On November 24th, the Christmas lights in Kettering are due to be switched-on. All four of them. Yep, that's the total number of lights at Kettering's disposal.

 

So if Lohan is going to switch them on, assuming all of the bulbs have been replaced, "she needs to know when and where she needs to be," according to Mr Hollobone.

 

He went on to add, "The message is, Lindsay Lohan, please get in touch, your public awaits. And remember, Kettering is only an hour from London on the train."

 

Where is Lindsay Lohan?

 

It's entirely possible she was sent to prison by a military court for a crime she didn't commit. She promptly escaped from the maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.

 

Today, we believe she is still wanted by the government, and survives as a soldier of fortune. However, it has be rumoured that if you have a problem with your Christmas lights switch-on, and if no one else can help, and if you can actually find her, then maybe, just maybe, you can hire ... Lindsay Lohan.

 

So, if you know the whereabouts of Lindsay Lohan, please get in touch.

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