Historical Fun

HISTORICAL FUN FACTS NOVEMBER 20th.   On This Day In History in 1407, John the Fearless, Duke of Burgundy, and Louis of Valois , Duke of Orleans, agreed a truce.   Unfortunately, John the Fearless was also John the utter-git. He had Louis of Valois assassinated three days later. Yep, what-a-git.   The two Dukes were in a state of war with each other up until the truce was signed. Both were trying to fill a void left by the King of France, Charles VI of France, who was ever so slightly whacko-nutso-bonkers.   Louis of Valois, who was not only the Duke of Orleans, but also the younger brother of the King of France, was minding his own business in Paris when 15 assassins leapt on him as he was trying to mount his horse.   We are assuming he was trying get on the horse to ride it, rather than anything else. But, with Louis of Valois, you never know. He was a dirty little sicko, by all accounts. Or at least by the account of John t...

Historical Fun Facts October 25th On This Day In History, October 25th, 1154, The Anarchy was over, at least for King Stephen of England, as he died.   Yes, you heard me correctly, there was a king of England called Stephen. He was often called Stephen of Blois, or You-Utter-Git, by his cousin, Matilda.   Stephen of Blois was the grandson of William the Conqueror and King of England between 1135 until his death in 1154.   His reign was troubled, to say the least. Most of it was referred to as The Anarchy, as he was fighting a civil war with his cousin, The Empress Matilda, who also claimed the throne.   Matilda, who was almost, perhaps, probably not, maybe technically, but unlikely, the Queen of England for a few days, lost her fight to rule England. However, after the death of King Stephen, Matilda's son, Henry II, became King of England. On the 25th October, 1415, King Henry V of England and his army, as he didn't do it on his o...

HISTORY FUN FACTS SEPTEMBER 19th On This Day In History in 1356 King John II of France was captured by the English forces of Edward, the Black Prince, who was white, during the Battle of Poitiers.   As a child, King John II of France wasn't fed his mother's milk, but was made to suckle on the nipples of frogs and snails for nourishment. This may account for what happened after he was captured and imprisoned by the English.   During his captivity, France suffered. And it suffered a lot. Not least with the Black Death, which eliminated half the population.   King John (which really doesn't sound very French if you ask me), enjoyed a regal lifestyle as a prisoner in London. He was given the freedom to travel and was even allowed to buy his own horses, pets, clothes, and was fed five course banquets at every mealtime.   He even had his own astrologer and court band. Not kidding. That was all true. ...

The Assassination of President James A. Garfield On This Day In History in, September 19th, 1881, James A. Garfield, the 20th President of the United States of America died.   President Garfield had only been president for four months when he was shot by Charles J. Guiteau on July 2nd.   Guiteau was pissed at Garfield for not giving him a job. He wanted to be rewarded for doing virtually nothing to get Garfield elected as president and thought he deserved the position of consul in Paris.   It may have been a perfect job for Guiteau if he could speak any French and had any experience of that type of job. But he didn't. It also didn't help that he was a complete nutter.   Virtually all of President Garfield's movements, with the exception his bowel movements, were published in the newspapers. Guiteau followed these movements with interest and also the ones in the papers, and used them to plan the assa...

History Fun Facts - September 18th On This Day In History in 96 (a real year, even if it looks wrong when you write it down), the Roman Emperor Domitian was assassinated.   Some would say he had it coming to him, considering 15 years before, Domitian had murdered his own brother, Titus, to take his place as Emperor of Rome.   Domitian had killed his brother with a poison which created an uncomfortable feeling in Titus' bottom. Basically it was no longer a Titus. In fact, it was quite pliable. And erupted like a sticky brown volcano. Having blown off his Titus, Emperor Titus died shortly after.   Emperor Domitian was killed by a former slave called Maximus (not Russell Crowe) and a steward called Stephanus in a conspiracy led by a guy called Parthenius, who was Domitian's chamberlain.   There were a lot more people involved, but let's be honest, like me, you probably skip over the names that are hard to pronounce.   It's thou...

HISTORY FACT - September 16th On This Day In History in 1701, once-a-king-but-king-no-more King James II of England, died when his head exploded after losing a game of spank-my-head-with-a-stick-of-dynamite, a popular game in 17th century England.   James II was actually a King of England, but not King of England when he died, despite what he kept telling his French friends. He became King when his brother died in 1685 and remained King until he royally screwed up by royally screwing his new catholic wife.   James kept annoying the English Protestants and they had suspicions he was way too pro-French and even more pro-Catholic. To top it off, he also enjoyed playing Pokémon Go, which was the last straw.   The real final straw happened when his wife popped out a sprog which kept shouting, "Kill the Protestant scum. Burn them at the stake."   The English ball sacks, or Nobs, or Nobles, panicked. England couldn't have a Catholic hair cut. Or, in fact,...

HISTORY FUN FACTS SEPTEMBER 15th On this day in history in 1254, Marco Polo was born.   Marco Polo was, of course, the creator of the much loved game, Marco Polo, and the mint with the hole.   Legend tells that Marco was blind, incompetent at navigation, lived his entire life in a swimming pool, was very needy in trying to find friends, really wanted to be a bat, and had really bad breath.   Thus came the creation of the game, where everyone jumps into the swimming pool, one person is "Marco" or "It", and the other players are "Polo".   The person who is "It" closes their eyes and trundles around the pool shouting "Marco", imitating the call of a bat in their echo-location, trying to find their friends. When the friends, or fellow players, hear the shout "Marco" they must respond with "Polo, for crying out loud stick a polo in your mouth and suck, your breath stinks of donkey poo."   Or somethi...

HISTORY FACT - September 13th On This Day In History in 81 (yes, that's a real year), the Roman Emperor Titus, died of a fever.   Most historians consider Titus to be an okay Emperor, if not a reasonably good one. And considering how evil some of those were, that's a hefty statement.   His last reported words were, "There's either something wrong with my bottom or Vesuvius just erupted again?"   Okay, no, those weren't his real last words. However, he was the Emperor who ruled in 79AD when Mount Vesuvius erupted and destroyed Pompeii.   His almost not-so-real last words were, "I'm so hot you could cook a hot dog between my butt cheeks."   Or were they, "Where is my brother? I'll boil him alive on my burning scrotum."   It was his brother, Domitian, who succeeded Titus to the throne. As his first act, Domitian deified his brother Titus, so one would think the two got on pretty well. So why would he want to k...

History Fun Fact September 6th On This Day in 380, Emperor Theodosius defeated the usurper, Emperor Eugenius, at the Battle of the Frigidus. With the defeat of Eugenius, both the Western Roman Empire and the Eastern Roman Empire were untied once again, the last time in history it would be one great big Empire.   Theodosius, also known as Theodosius the Great, or Cute-Squirrel-Lips by his Praetorian Guard, was born on the 11th of January, 347.   After the Battle of Figidus, Theodosius became Emperor of the entire Roman Empire, the last Emperor to rule over the whole thing.   During his reign, Theodosius-Cute-Squirrel-Lips had a serious problem with the Goths during and set about trying to eradicate them. Perhaps they reminded him of his own moody teenage years.   Unfortunately, his reputation took a serious hit, along with his gonads, a war injury he would never recover from, as he wasn't successful in destroying them. Or the other b...

History Fun Facts - September 5th   On This Day In History in 1698, Tsar Peter I of Russia imposed a tax on beards in an attempt to Westernize his nobility.   The tax was applicable to all types of beards and for all men, except the clergy and peasants. Your grandmother was also exempt from the tax.   On this day in history in 1187, King Louis VIII of France was born.   His reign as King of France didn't last long, just a mere three years. And his reign as King of England didn't ever happen. There's a signed bit of paper saying so.   Yes, he was King of England. Well, not actually, but sort of, perhaps, nah he wasn't, get back to France you French pretender.   To cut a long story short, Louis came to England on holiday as a not-yet-king-of-France. Whilst holidaying in the south of England, he got really plastered on an all night booze-party celebrating the fact his last remaining virgin dog had just got his leg over. Okay...

History Facts - September 4th On This Day In History in 476 , it was the end of an era.   The 4th of September, 476, is the date the Western Roman Empire ended when Romulus Augustus was deposed by Odoacer, who then proclaimed himself King of Italy.   Romulus Augustus was also known as Augustulus, or little Augustus, a nickname his wife gave him on their wedding night.   It was also due to him being mostly useless as an Emperor. He was barely a flicker of the man hundreds of years before who became the first Roman Emperor, the legend that was Augustus Caesar.   On This Day in 1882 , Thomas Edison switched on the first commercial electric power station. It was only able to light a single square mile of lower Manhattan, but that was a heck of an achievement for that time.   This was the day commonly referred to as the start of the Electrical Age.   "Finally," said Edison after flipping the swit...

HISTORY FACTS - August 31st On This Day In History, 31st of August, 1422, King Henry V of England , the second king from the House of Lancaster, died of Something-Wrong-With-Me-Poops and That-Curry-Has-Some-Serious-Consequences.   This left his son, Henry VI, free to claim the throne. He demanded all bow down to him as supreme ruler of the milky-milky-sucky-nipple people.   What?   Henry VI was only 9-months-old when he became king.   On This day, 31st of August 1803, Lewis and Clark began their most famous of expeditions to the west when they left Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.   It would take the entire journey, and more than a few coincidences, before Lewis found out that Clark had a secret identity. The glasses were a perfect disguise.   31st August, 1888, Mary Ann Nichols is murdered. Although never proved, the common consensus is that she was killed by a secret society of aliens who had been living in London for the last t...