5 Animal Facts That Are Wrong

5 Animal Facts That Are Wrong

1. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. Well, they can't jump, which is why you never see them playing basketball. However, stick them on a bouncy castle and those things can launch themselves into space. Although it's true that elephants can't jump, they aren't the only animals. Hippos can't jump, neither can rhinos, giraffes, penguins, and white men.

2. Blind as a Bat. Yep, bats are blind. Nope, they actually aren't. It's so confusing. They don't have great eyesight, but all species of bats can see. They have adapted to use their sense of smell and hearing to get around, and use a sophisticated and very accurate echo-location to navigate the treacherous tunnels of Wayne Manor. In fact, their inbuilt sonar is better than the sonar arrays on a naval warship. It's probably why the Australian Navy haven't developed their own SONAR, and instead duct-tape thousands of bats to the bottom of their ships wearing SCUBA gear.

3. Toads give you warts. Oh, boy, never ever touch a toad, or a frog, for that matter. Those little devils can give you warts. Sheesh, the lies you're told as a child. There is no evidence whatsoever that touching a toad will give you warts. In fact, if you stroke a toad, you'll be safe on the road. Yeah, some people will believe anything. Warts are caused by the Human Papilloma Virus and is passed on by touching other humans. So stay away from those creatures, they're friggin dangerous. HPV is actually very contagious, and you don't even need to touch someone else who has it to get it yourself.

As the NHS website says: The infection can also be transmitted indirectly from contaminated objects or surfaces, such as the area surrounding a swimming pool. You are more likely to get infected if your skin is wet or damaged. After you become infected, it can take weeks or even months for a wart or verruca to appear.

4. Ostriches will bury their heads in the sand when they are frightened. Not sure how this myth became a fact, but it isn't true in the slightest. If an ostrich, or any other animal, including a human, were to bury their head in the sand when scared or threatened by an attacker, it would only serve two purposes: One, you wouldn't be hiding from the predator which is about to eat you. Out of sight, out of mind, doesn't work. It just lets the predator get to you quicker. Two, the ostrich wouldn't be able to breath if it had its head buried in the sand. Not unless it had some elaborate breathing apparatus.

5. Cheetahs are the fastest animals on the planet. Nope, not even close. That title goes to a fat man who hasn't eaten in three days chasing a cheeseburger that's been left on a car's roof. But, in all seriousness, cheetahs are actually the fastest land animal, and clock speeds of up to 68 miles an hour. The spine tailed swift has achieved speeds of 69 mph at level flight, which makes it faster than the cheetah. The fastest fish is the sailfish, and has equalled the cheetah's speed of 68mph.

5 Fun Facts About Cats

You either love them or you hate them. And sometimes you can love them and hate them at the same time. Especially when you're working at your computer and the cats sits down on the keyboard and erases all your hard work. Or it jumps onto your lap but can't quite manage it, so grips your legs, or even worse, your private regions, with its tiny razor sharp claws, causing you to scream and throw your freshly-made and hard-earned cup of coffee across the room.

1. However, you can take some satisfaction in knowing almost four million cats are eaten in China every year. Yep, kid you not. There are countries around the world that think nothing of nibbling on a bit of cat food. And, that's food made of cat, rather than food for cats. Because that would be disgusting. In Korea, cat meat is boiled into a tonic and treats arthritis. Although you do end up licking yourself, purring, and crapping in your child's sand pit.

2. Cats don't have a sweet tooth in their bodies. Although you can grind them down into a paste and apply them to your head as a cure for baldness. But, nope, they don't crave chocolate like us, or dogs, who do have a sweet tooth.

3. There are over half a billion domestic cats on the planet. However, that number seems to be decreasing in China for some reason. The stats go up if you visit crazy-cat-lady who lives at the bottom of my street. She has twenty four cats living in her house. And a dog and a goat. Not sure why she's got the dog and goat, if I'm honest. I find it all a bit strange. But I am waiting to hear if she swallowed the fly, the spider and the bird. And that would be absurd if she swallowed the bird. But I'm guessing the cats, dog and goat will be next on her hit list. Although, saying that, it does take twenty four cat skins to make a coat. So, come winter, we may have less cats in the neighbourhood, and one very warm woman walking to the shops every day.

4. Cats catch rats. Yes, indeedy doody. These little feline creatures are actually useful. Dogs can help blind people cross the road, fetch the paper, and hump your leg. Cats, on the other hand, generally do sod all, except sleep, screech, lick themselves or lick you, especially when you're trying to do something and don't want cat tongue on your eyeball. But they do have some uses. They act as an alarm clock. Usually in the middle of the night, or early on a Sunday morning when you want to sleep in. They also catch mice and rats and the odd bird. Sometimes, they'll bring it inside and present it to you as a gift. Pope Innocent VIII condemned all cats as evil. During the Spanish Inquisition, which no one expects, he ordered tens of thousands of cats burned with steaks. Or on stakes. He didn't take into account the resulting increase, by a lot, of the rat population, and the significant impact that would have on the Black Death.

5. A cat can jump five times its height. But there are cats who have gone higher. In fact, all the way to space. Yes, that cat is totally spaced, dude. In 1963, the French Space Agency decided it would be a good idea to launch a cat into space. The cat was called Felicette, which means Astrocat in English. It was implanted with electrodes and the signals from its brain were analysed. They discovered cats enjoy chasing a bit of string and rubbing against you to mark its territory (Yep, I rub you, you're mine. That chair is mine. That laptop is mine. The bed is mine. The floor is mine. EVERYTHING IS MINE).