ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY - 9th April
On this day in history in 193, Lucius Septimius Severus was proclaimed Emperor.
The previous year on 31st December 192, Commodus, Russell Crowe's nemesis and the evil Emperor who diddled his sister in the movie Gladiator, was assassinated.
Strangely, he wasn't killed by Russell Crowe, but the movie wasn't that far off the mark. He was originally poisoned by Marcia, his favourite mistress, but this just made him ill instead of dead. He vomited it up. All of it. And then kept going.
Marcia and her co-conspirators then sent Narcissus, the Emperor's wrestling partner, to strangle Commodus in his bath. So, yeah, the film was pretty close. To a degree. If looking through a really dirty telescope.
After the death of Commodus, Pertinax was acclaimed Emperor by the Senate. His reign didn't last long, and ended about as well as his predecessor. He was assassinated as well. This time by his Praetorian Guard.
This led the Praetorian Guard to auction off the title and position of Emperor to the highest bidder. Step forward Didius Julianus. He became the next Emperor.
However, at the same time Septimius Severus had been proclaimed Emperor by his own legion. And then by all the other Roman legions in the region. Severus immediately set course for Rome to dispose of this Didius Julianus bloke.
As Severus' army approached the City of Rome, the Senate decided to proclaim Severus the rightful Emperor. They condemned Didius Julianus to death and had one of his centurions do the deed.
Upon entering Rome and taking up his throne, Septimius Severus had Emperor Pertinax's killers executed, and then exiled the rest of the Praetorian Guard. He then filled the Guard with troops who were loyal to him from his own legion.
In 211, whilst on a campaign in Britain, and after naming his son, Caracalla, as co-emperor, Emperor Severus was killed in suspicious circumstances.
On this day in history in 1483, King Edward IV died.
Yes. The King is Dead, Long Live The King. The handsome one, and didn't he know it, Edward IV, has died. His son, Edward V, who is only 12 years old, succeeds to the throne.
We're pretty sure the young king Edward V will have a very long and successful reign, and we extend our condolences for the loss of his father.
But who cares, you're KING.
Breaking News: Edward is currently on his way to London, escorted by his loving and trusted uncle, Richard, Duke of Gloucester.
No, wait, report just coming in: Edward has arrived in the capital and his uncle has him imprisoned in the Tower Of London. Well, I'm sure it's a mistake. His uncle is a nice guy. It'll get sorted.
This just in: Richard, Edward's gentle and kind uncle, just kidnapped Edward's younger brother and locked him up in the Tower of London with Edward.
Crikey, who saw that coming? But they can't keep the Princes in the Tower, as one of them is king. And, as a King, he'll order Richard to release him, and then rule for a very long time.
Latest Breaking News: Richard has declared Edward a bastard, making him out to be an illegitimate son of Edward IV and not a rightful king. He also declared himself the rightful king, and has become King Richard III.
But Richard is a decent man. He'll look after the two Princes in the Tower. They won't simply disappear, never to be heard of again.
In other news: ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY - April 9th
On this day in history in 1440, Christopher of Bavaria was appointed King of Denmark.
On this day in history in 1682, the French Explorer Robert Cavelier de La Salle, discovered the mouth of the Mississippi River, and claimed it for France. He name it Louisiana after the King of France.
He didn't notice any Native Americans all ready milling around having been there for hundreds of years before him. When one did finally approach Robert Cavelier de La Salle, he said, "You know we've known about the mouth of this river for years?"
"Merde." De Salle thought for a moment, then asked them, "Do you have a flag?"
The Native Americans looked at each other and then said, "Err, nope."
De Salle smiled. "Then you can't claim anything. You need a flag to claim something. So suck it."
During De Salle's final voyage in 1687, his crew mutinied. Robert De La Salle was killed by Pierre Duhaut whilst he was talking to another member of the crew, Jean L'Archeveque, who was acting as a decoy.
On this day in 1967, the first ever Boeing 737 - 100, made its maiden flight. Ironically, with a married bloke at the controls.
On this day in history in 1969, the first British-built Concorde made its maiden flight from Filton to RAF Fairford. Ironically, even though it was a maiden flight, it had no maidens on board.
On this day in history in 1981, the USS George Washington, a nuclear George Washington Class submarine, collided with the Japanese cargo ship, Nissho Maru.
The George Washington was dawdling around at periscope depth in the seas 130 miles south of Japan, where the Nissho Maru just happened to be dawdling as well.
Upon executing a crash dive manoeuvre, the submarine hit the Japanese cargo ship, totally by accident. Oops. They are very sorry.
The Nissho Maru sank in fifteen minutes, suffering the loss of two crewman. Another thirteen were rescued.
The USS George Washington suffered some minor damage and no casualties. It also took no action, along with an American patrol aircraft in the skies above, to rescue or aid the sinking Japanese ship, or its crew.
A statement afterwards stated with a stated fact that although the submarine USS George Washington did surface, and did detect the Japanese cargo Ship, Nissho Maru, it did not realise the ship was in distress. Apparently, the patrol plane also spotted the Nissho Maru, but also didn't realise it had suffered any damage.
On this day in 2003, Baghdad finally fell to the American forces during the Iraq war. Celebrating, as they don't realise sometimes the grass isn't greener on the other side, the Iraqis pull down statues, including the Grand Statue of Iraq's previous leader Saddam Hussein.
On this day in history in 2005, Prince Charles, the Prince of Wales, and heir to the British throne, married Camilla Parker Bowles, long term lover, in a civil ceremony at Guildhall in Windsor.
Although Camilla Parker Bowles is entitled to the title Princess of Wales, she does not use it. Instead, she goes by the title Duchess of Cornwall, as her new husband, the Prince of Wales, is also the Duke of Cornwall, as was all previous heirs apparent to the British throne.
On this day in history in 1953 Winston Churchill is knighted.
