Valentine's Day: The Truth and the Myths

The Truth and the Myths behind Valentine's Day

On this day in history, the 14th of February, everyone goes overboard in the celebrations of Valentine's Day.

 

Roses are red.

The floor is red.

The walls are red.

Murder. There's been a murder.

 

Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be murdered by your partner on Valentine's day if you've forgotten to get her a card, present, or taken her out for a romantic meal.

 

If you haven't even noticed she had her hair done, or bought a new dress, or nice thong, then your chances of survival dwindle to about 6 percent.

Check out our special Valentine's Day blog post:

Valentine's Day: Murder In The Park

We celebrate Valentine's day because of a Saint called, well, I'd like to say Valentine, but his true name was Valentinus.

 

Valentinus was a 3rd-century saint, who died around 270AD, of Roman descent and is most famed for being a nymphomaniac.

Saint Valentine was martyred and buried in a

cemetery on the Via Flaminia, north of Rome.

 

In reality, we don't know much about Valentinus, or Valentine, but there is a good chance he is two people. Or three. No one knows for sure. He could just all be the same person using slightly different hairstyles to pork as many men and women as he could. As I say, no one really knows. However, just for the record -- Dirty boy.

 

The Roman Catholic Church does recognise a St Valentine as a real person who died in or about, give or take twenty years, 270 AD.

 

It isn't until the 1400s we start to get stories about St Valentine. They refer to a temple priest beheaded outside Rome by the Emperor Claudius II after he started conducting marriage ceremonies on Christian couples. With their knowledge. He didn't drug them, or knock them over the head with a plank of wood, before forcibly marrying them. Although he did videotape them having coital fun on their wedding night.

Because of the confusion about St Valentine's true identity (no, he's not Batman),

the Catholic Church stopped their liturgical veneration of him back in 1969.

His name does, however, remain on the Catholic Church's list of saints.

 

The Valentine, or Valentinus, we celebrate today on February 14th is officially known as St Valentine of Rome. There are actually about a dozen Valentinus/Valentines listed on the Catholic list of saints.

 

In 1988, Pope John Paul George and Ringo, or Pope John Paul II, canonised St Valentine Berrio-Ochoa, who was beheaded in 1861 in Vietnam.

 

They eventually retrieved Valentine Berios-Ochoa's head, sewed it back onto his rotting corpse and Pope John Paul II shot him out of canon. That is how they canonise saints, right?

Fun Fact:

There was a Pope Valentine in 827 AD, who served as Pope for just 40 days.

 

St Valentine isn't just the patron saint for happy marriages, couples, and nymphomaniacs. He is also the saint for epilepsy, beekeeping, the plague (I'm guessing he's against it), traveling and fainting. Not farting, which is what I mistakenly wrote the first time round.

 

But, where did Valentine's Day originate?

 

Before Geoffrey Chaucer wrote about it in 1375, there were no records for romantic celebrations on February 14th.

 

For this was sent on Saint Valentine's Day.

When every foul cometh ther to choose his mate.

Chaucer, in his poem, linked the celebration of the feast day of St Valentine to lovers hooking up. So, now we know who to blame for having to show affection to our partners one day of the year.

Valentine's Day: Murder In The Park

The Valentine's Day Murders:

Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be murdered by your partner on Valentine's day if you've forgotten to get her a card, present, or taken her out for a romantic meal.

If you haven't even noticed she had her hair done, or bought a new dress, or nice thong, then your chances of survival dwindle to about 6 percent.

Below are just a few real life murders that happened on Valentine's Day since 2010.

 

 

Murder In The Park

 

On February 14th 2010, 38-year-old Stacey Schoeck asked her 46-year-old husband (it was her 5th husband), Richard Schoeck, to meet her at Belton Bridge Park. She told him it would be a romantic exchange of Valentine's Day cards.

 

It was sweet, and very romantic.

 

Just after 9:00pm, Stacey Schoeck called the police. She had found her husband dead, near his truck at the romantic spot where they had planned to meet. She informed the police he had been shot three times in the stomach. And twice in the face.

 

During the police investigation, they found Stacey Schoeck had a life insurance policy claim pending, worth over half a million dollars. Stacey was the sole beneficiary. Oh, and she was also having an affair.

 

It turns out, Stacey Schoeck had hired former employee Lynitra Ross, and her personal trainer, Reginald Coleman, who also happened to be a convicted felon, to help her kill her husband.

 

It was planned over a meal at a Mexican restaurant by Stacey Schoeck and Lynitra Ross, who was given a house owned by Stacey as a fee.

 

They then hired Reginald Coleman, for a modest sum, in comparison, of £10,000, to shoot dead Stacey's husband.

 

All three, Stacey Schoeck, Lynitra Ross, and Reginald Coleman, were tried, found guilty, and sentenced to Life in Prison.

 

 

If she's a psycho, whatever you do, don't start snoring

 

On February 14th 2015, 43-year-old Dawn Dixon-Bey stabbed her 49-year-old boyfriend, Gregory M. Stack twice in his chest as he was snoozing on their couch in the living room.

 

The couple had only just moved into the apartment and, no doubt exhausted from carrying lots of boxes, Gregory decided he needed to rest for five minutes.

 

Dawn Dixon-Bey maintained during her trial that she was innocent. She even told the police and the court it was self-defence.

 

However, the injuries were not consistent with self-defence. Plus, over 20 witnesses came forward to testify Dawn Dixon-Bey had threatened Gregory with a knife and their neighbours had overheard her shouting she would kill him.

 

Dawn Dixon-Bey was found guilty of second-degree murder and will serve between 35 and 70 years in prison.

 

 

Murder In The Missionary Position

 

On February 14th 2013, Nathan Leuthold shot his wife, Denise Leuthold, in the head. He then staged the crime scene to appear as if a violent struggle had taken place during a burglary.

 

Nathan Leuthold was a missionary and had taken a trip to Lithuania, where he had met an 18-year-old student. He had persuaded his wife to jointly sponsor her immigration visa to the United States of America.

 

He had apparently fallen in love with the Lithuanian student and decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. The only way he could do that, was to kill his wife.

 

The Police investigated the crime thoroughly, and he came unstuck when they discovered the search history on his computer.

 

He had googled "Hitting someone over the head to knock them out," "Lethal injection," and "How to muffle a gun."

 

He was tried, found guilty, and sentenced to 80 years in prison.

 

 

It has to be Murder: He doesn't have a leg to stand on

 

On February 14th 2013, Oscar Pistorius, the Olympic and Paralympic runner, shot dead his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp at his home in Pretoria, South Africa.

 

Oscar Pistorius told his trial that he believed his girlfriend was a burglar and he hid in the bathroom as he was afraid.

 

Pistorius then said, fearing for his life, as he believed the intruder was trying to break into the bathroom, he fired several shots through the door, only to find out later, that it wasn't a burglar, or home invader, it was actually his girlfriend.

 

Pistorius stood trial and was originally convicted of manslaughter.

 

However, after a review of the evidence by a different judge, it was decided Pistorius didn't have a leg to stand on, and what he did couldn't be considered manslaughter.

 

The verdict was overturned and Pistorius was instantly slapped with a murder charge.

 

 

What happens when you forget to buy your wife a Valentine's Day present?

 

On February 14th 2014, Giovanni Iuliano died as a result of injuries caused by his wife, Andrea Consales.

 

Andrea Consales was a special needs school teacher and a daughter of respected municipal judge, Leon Consales. She told her trial that her husband had tripped and fallen, hence the injuries. However, the evidence said different.

 

Her husband's head and face were beaten quite severely and there was blood everywhere. Floor, walls, ceiling. The amount of blood, and blood patterns across the room, could not be consistent with falling over.

 

Andrea Consales was tried, found guilty, and sentence for murder in the first-degree.

 

 

Murder-Suicide: A life together, a death together

On February 14th 2015, two bodies were discovered by the Alabama Sheriff's department. They were of a 77-year-old man and his 76-year-old wife.

 

An investigation concluded the husband shot and killed his wife, and then turned the gun on himself, dying soon afterwards.

 

The police revealed the husband had no criminal record, or history of domestic violence. They added that the couple were dealing with long-term illness. Murder/suicide.

On This Day in History February 13th

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY 13th FEBRUARY

This Day In History, February 13th, 1542, saw the execution of Catherine Howard, the err, lemme remember this right, she wasn't the first wife, that was Catherine of Aragon. The second wife was Anne-Pain-In-The-Neck-Boleyn. The third was Jane Seymour, the fourth was what's-her-face. Come on, no one remembers her.

 

So, Catherine Howard must have the Borg designation of Five-Of-Six tertiary adjunct of uni-matrix Henry-Eight.

Fun Fact:

The sixth wife of Henry VIII was Catherine Parr -

she who was actually the widow of Henry VIII.

 

Catherine Howard had her Queeny title removed the previous year, 23rd November 1541, and imprisoned in Syon Abbey in Middlesex. She was forced kiss a Llama before being made to return her ring, formerly owned by Anne of Cleves.

 

Oh, yes, Anne of Cleves. That was the fourth wife of Henry-Of-The-Many-Numbers. Although, technically, the marriage was annulled. This meant she didn't exist. Or she was never married to the King. One or the other.

 

Anyways, it was declared Anne Of Cleves' marriage to Henry-Problems-With-Commitment was never consummated. Nope. As well as commitment, Henry-Had-A-Shrinkage-Problem, had problems with his pee-pee.

 

A rather chilly draft drifted through the palace that night, which is why Queens shouldn't eat baked beans before nights of fiddling with the Crown Jewels. Henry-That-Doesn't-Normally-Happen-I-Promise suffered some serious reversing before the engine fired. So the consummation didn't happen.

 

Wait, got side-tracked there for a minute. We're talking about the execution of Catherine Howard.

 

Yes, Catherine Howard was imprisoned and stripped ... Seriously? That's disgusting. Oh, stripped of her Queeny title. That's not so bad. She was accused and later tried, and then beheaded, for not disclosing the fact that men had dangled their dingles in her Traitors' Gate.

Fun Fact:

The night before her execution, Catherine Howard spent several hours

practicing how to lay her head upon the block.

She even requested the actual block that would be used the

following day be brought to her cell for her to practice on.

 

On the 10th of February 1542, she was led through Traitors' Gate on her way to her cell in the Tower of London. The following day, Henry-Not-Love-You-No-More signed her death warrant.

 

She would be executed on the 13th of February 1542 by way of separation of her head from her body using a slightly sharpened toothpick.

 

When that didn't work, they switched to an axe.

Also In The News ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY

On This Day in 1575, Henry III of France, as in, the French King Henry III, is crowned King of France, in French, whilst in France. On the same day, he married Louise de Lorraine-Vaudemont.

 

On This Day in 1633, Galileo Galilei, so good they named it twice, arrived in Rome for a bit of sight seeing, a quick lunch, and for his trial before the Inquisition, who were very inquisitive.

 

On This Day in 1692, at the Massacre of Glencoe, nearly 80 Macdonalds at Glen Coe, Scotland, were killed early in the morning, at about 6am, just after ordering a McMuffin, for not pledging allegiance to the newish King of England, and Scotland, William of Orange.

 

On This Day, February 13th, 1880, Thomas Edison observed the Edison Effect, whilst sitting on the toilet looking at a mirror. #ThermeonicEmmission

 

Celebrity Birthdays

On This Day in 1934, George Segal was born. He is famous for starring in Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf, Flirting With Disaster, and A Touch Of Class.

Did you know:

George Segal is a master banjo strummer

and has even released three banjo albums.

 

On This Day in 1938, Oliver Reed was born. He starred in one of the best movies of all time, Gladiator.

 

Although he did kick the bucket half way through filming. They didn't see that as a problem, though. Who needs the real Oliver Reed when you can just use CGI and a mannequin instead. 

 

On This Day in 1974, Robbie Williams was born. He was the worst member of the successful boy band Take That, before he left to forage for berries in the local woods.

 

He soon found some, and had to wrestle a squirrel for its stash. Before he could eat them, a worm drop kicked his posterior into a deep hole and slapped him around, leaving him for dead. It was during the void between life and death that Robbie Williams had an epiphany. He should start a solo career as a singer.

 

Read more about Robbie Williams with our

Humorous History Special -

 

Robbie Williams: The Truth Behind The Song Titles. 

 

 

On This Day in 1975, Ben Collins, former English racing driver, was born. Well, he's still English, but no longer a racing driver.

 

Check out these Fun Facts About TOP GEAR

 

Ben Collins, not the most successful of English racing drivers, was better known as The Stig on Top Gear.

 

Some say he once tortured a hedgehog to get their secret Chilli sauce. Some say he once killed a mole by eating three hundred eggs and trumpeting in its face.

 

But, all we know is: He's called the Stig.

 

Check out these Fun Facts About TOP GEAR

Robbie Williams and The Truth Behind The Song Titles

Robbie Williams: The Truth Behind The Song Titles

On This Day In History, the 13th of February, 1974, Robbie Williams was born. He was the worst member of the successful boy band Take That, before he left to forage for berries in the local woods.

 

He soon found some, and had to wrestle a squirrel for its stash. Before he could eat them, a worm drop kicked his posterior into a deep hole and slapped him around, leaving him for dead. It was during the void between life and death that Robbie Williams had an epiphany. He should start a solo career as a singer.

 

Without his fellow Take That boyband mates, Robbie finally had the Freedom to get Old Before I die. However, his Life Thru a Lens brought problems in his personal life. That's what happens when Angels go South Of The Border with One Of God's Better People.

 

It was a different pace to his Lazy Days in that hole with the worm, which had repeatedly tickled his Baby Girl Window. But Robbie was Strong and had No Regrets. He took a phrase uttered over and over by the worm as it massaged his Jesus In A Camper Van, and turned it into a hit song, "Let Me Entertain You."

 

He rose like a Phoenix From The Flames. And, with the Grace of a drunk butterfly on speed, he realised he should be a Better Man when it came to love making. He ditched all food and went on a diet of Let Love Be Your Energy.

 

He needed a lot of loving to get that energy. Robbie was a busy Man Machine. There was only one thing he could do, By All Means Necessary, no matter How Peculiar it would Feel, he'd find that worm and prove She's The One.

 

In his last conversation before Robbie was killed by a Starstruck Deceptacon, he was warned by his arch enemy, Gary Barlow.

 

Gary Barlow, "Stand Your Ground."

Robbie Williams, "But I need to Love Somebody."

Gary Barlow, "You're just Sexed Up."

Robbie Williams, "Our love making is Something Beautiful."

Gary Barlow, "Yes, but If It's Hurting You, use Hot Fudge."

Robbie Williams, "You Know Me too well.

Gary Barlow, "Well, yes, Getting Morning Sun is Difficult For Weirdos."

On This Day In History 12th February

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY 12th FEBRUARY

 

On This Day, 12th February 1554, Lady Jane Grey had a serious case of OFF-WITH-YOUR-HEAD. It's an ancient ritual that almost always results in death.

 

The previous year, she had been Queen for nine days, hence why she is known as the 9-Days-Queen, which certain people took issue with. She was tried and found guilty of treason. Treason, I tell you. Off with her head.

In The News On This Day In History

On This Day in 1999, Bill Clinton, The President of the United-States-Of-Americans-You-Shouldn't-Don't-Doink-Your-Intern was aquitted by the US Senate in his impeachment trial. He celebrated by ordering a pizza and putting an advert in the classifieds for a discreet intern.

Famous Births

On This Day in 41 (yes, that's a real year) Britannicus, the son of the Roman Emperor, Claudius, was born.

 

On This Day in 1809, we celebrate the birth of Abraham Lincoln, best known for hunting vampires, having his face carved into a rather large rock, and for being the 16th President of the United-States-Of-Americans-Who-Shouldn't-Go-To-The-Theatre.

On This Day In History 11th February

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY 11th FEBRUARY

On This Day in 1990,

after almost three decades imprisoned in

Victor Verster Prison, South Africa,

Nelson Mandela is set free.

Also In The News On This Day In History

On This Day in 1534, King Henry VIII recognised himself as the best husband ever. And the supreme head of the Church of England. Who needs to get divorced when you can just partake with Off-With-Their-Heads.

On this day in 1916, Emma Goldman was arrested for lecturing on birth control. Whoa, slow down. Back the truck up. Remove your dangly from the tunnel. Tie a rope around the tree trunk. Let the tide recede back to the ocean. Spit don't swallow.

 

Celebrity Birthdays

 

On This Day in 1847, Thomas Edison was born with a light bulb hanging above his head, indicating the presence of an idea, for a light bulb, which he would one day develop into a real thing.

 

On This Day in 1926, Leslie Nielsen, a Canadian-American actor, was born.

On This Day in 1936, Burt Reynolds was born.

On This Day in 1953, Jeb Bush, the younger and not quite as dim younger brother of President George W. Bush, was born.

On This Day in 1964, Sarah Palin, who was the 9th Governor of Alaska, and hoped to be the first woman President of the United States of America, was forcedly ejected from her mother's womb with a machine gun in one hand and dead wolf in the other.

On This Day in 1969, Jennifer Aniston, who has loads of Friends, as she so pwetty, was born wondering why they all not as pwetty as her.