King Louis VIII of France and his very brief reign as King of England.
King Louis VIII's reign as King of France didn't last long, just a mere three years between 14th July, 1223, and 8th November, 1226.
His reign as King of England didn't ever happen. There's a signed bit of paper saying so.
Yes, he was King of England. Well, not actually, but sort of, perhaps, nah he wasn't, get back to France you French pretender.
To cut a long story short, Louis came to England on holiday as a not-yet-king-of-France. Whilst holidaying in the south of England, he got really plastered on an all night booze-up celebrating the fact his last remaining virgin dog had just got his leg over. Okay, it was with a teddy bear, but it still counts.
Completely sploshed, Prince Louis climbed atop a large wall, pulled his pants down and declared, mid-stream, as he really needed to go, that he was the new King of England.
The longer version: The English barons were a bit miffed with King John (the most hated king in English history, mainly due to Robin Hood) during the First Barons' War in 1215, as the King had banned them playing Pokémon Go.
Sheesh, and he wondered why nobody liked him.
The barons invited Prince Louis over to England, along with his almost-not-a-virgin poodle. And an army. When the Prince arrived on 21st May, 1216, the barons offered him the crown of England, in return for the secret locations of Piccachuchuchu.
The Prince agreed, entered London, as did his pet poodle.
London was not just the capital city, but also the name of a local peasant dog who was down on his luck after losing to four other dogs at poker.
Lots of people were at St Paul's Cathedral to witness Louis declared as King, including King Alexander II of Scotland. All paid homage. Louis then went about conquering a few other cities, including Winchester (14th June, 1216) and Milton Keynes (not really), which, back then, was just a cow shed and a red light district for lonely dogs.
It was going so well for Louis, he was sure they would crown him proper, not just pretend, when he returned to London.
But then King John died in October, 1216.
The barons realised they were following a French prince, and that was bad. Very bad. They did a quick about-turn and proclaimed John's nine-year-old son, Henry, as King of England. They then tagged the number 3 onto his name, just to make it official.
The Earl of Pembroke, acting as Regent for the boy-king, Henry III, made a rallying cry for the English to "defend our land" against the evil French imposter.
The English army defeated Prince Louis at the Battle of Lincoln on 20th May, 1217. They whipped him again at sea. The Royal Navy crushed his tiny French ships at the Battle of Sandwich.
Ironically, sliced bread hadn't been invented yet, so there were no sandwiches to celebrate the victory.
The French imposter was repelled back to Dover.
Since he was there anyway, Louis tried to conquer Dover castle. Not a chance Mr. Frenchy Prince, go back to Calais.
All's well that ends well.
At the Treaty of Lambeth (September 1217), an amnesty was given to all English rebels who supported the French Prince and future King of France, Louis VIII.
There was also a pledge from Louis that he would never attack England again on the condition he was paid 10,000 marks. It was also a condition of the money that Louis sign a written statement saying he was not, and had never been, the legitimate King of England.
Also in the small print was an arrest warrant for the Prince's poodle for crimes against a tortoise.
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