On This Day - 5th January

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY - 5th JANUARY

 

On This Day, the 5th of January, 1066, Edward-The-Confessor died, sparking what could mildly be called a succession crisis. This little itsy-bitty crisis eventually led to the Norman Conquest of England, where William-The-Conker-Player dictated every new baby be called Norman.

 

Edward the Confessor was born as a baby in 1003ish in Oxfordshire, England. His father was Ethelred the Unready, which was his excuse to his wife on their wedding night. "I wasn't ready. Can we try again in ten minutes?"

 

Edward the Confessor was called The Confessor because he ran a series of experiments on hedgehogs trying to extract confessions from them using nipple clamps.

 

Or maybe because he is said to have lived a porpoise and saintly life. Although what dolphins have to do with anything, I don't know. Oh, wait ... pious. He lived a pious life.

 

Also in the news:

 

On This Day, 5th of January, 1757, Robert-Francois Damiens tried to assassinate the King of France, Louis XV. The King survived and Robert-Francois Damiens went on to become the last person to be executed in France by way of drawing and quartering.

 

That's when they make you draw pictures of quarters.

 

Today is also the 12th day of Christmas. Which means, take your tree and decorations down. Now. Right this minute. If you don't, the world will end. You have been warned.