5 Fun Facts About Tigers
1. Tigers are the largest members of the cat family, measuring up to 3 meters in length and weighing a staggering 800 pounds. Almost as much as my grandmother. Love her to bits, but, oh boy, she was a big lady. And, like my grandmother, a tiger is capable of killing animals over twice its size. With huge paws, powerful teeth, and a diet of deer, antelope, buffalo and wild boar, my grandmother was a weird old lady. And, like tigers, she'd also eat small elephants, rhinos, rats, birds, and a Big Mac.
2. Don't let a tiger lick you. They have a purr similar to a kitten, are as cute as something that is cute, and they have one of the most awesome tongues going. But it's covered in papillae. They are small, sharp, rear-facing protrusions. Their tongue is like sandpaper. A tiger can literally lick your skin right off you.
3. Don't let a tiger give you a high-five. Even if you've just won a basketball game and custom dictates you jump in the air and slam each other's hands together. Tempting as it might be, just don't do it. They have massive paws, powerful legs, and they live by the philosophy of One Strike Kills. Their front paw is so powerful, one swipe is enough to smash a bear's skull and break its spine. Just with one strike. Holy wowser, Dougie Howser.
4. If you're being chased by a tiger, then don't jump in the water thinking you're safe, because you think cats don't like water. For starters, the chances you're going to outrun it are slim to nothing. These things can sprint at speeds of 40mph. And secondly, tigers love the water, and they are superb swimmers. You will often find them at your local pool cooling off from the scorching summer heat.
5. If you look a tiger in the eye it's less likely to kill you. It may fall deeply madly in love with you, instead. And it may still kill you either way. Tigers are generally unpredictable. But it's worth a shot. Just don't come running to me to complain after you've been eaten. Tigers are solitary hunters and do most of their shopping at night. There is generally no Wi-Fi signal, so they can't order their food online. They have to do it the old fashioned way -- going out and hunting for it. They do this by sneaking up on their prey and ambushing them before they realise what the heck just happed, why is there a tiger stuck to my face?
Because they creep up on their prey and ambush them, if you look them in the eye, it shows him, or her, that they've lost the element of surprise. And tigers do like surprises, so, when it's ruined, they sigh and leave, off to catch someone else unawares.
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